Perfect Disaster
by Rendall
Summary: Kendall gets sent to military school after getting in trouble with the law. There he meets the Sergeant's son Logan, who he can't seem to forget about.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: I'm sorry if this is absolutely terrible. I'm just trying it out to see how it goes. I will continue it even if everyone hates it but I promise it will get better. I hope…**

Kendall's mom took hold of his shoulders and shoved him through the doorway. He stumbled into the foyer while the room spun before him. He heard a low grunt come from down the hallway leading into the kitchen. Turning back he stared at his mother with wide eyes. "You didn't..." he pleaded, on the verge of tears.

"It was for your own good honey." His mother simply said, grabbing Kendall by his wrists and leading him down the hall. The bright florescent lights above stung Kendall's eyes, his head pounding in his thick skull. There, sitting before him in the dining chair was his father with a stern look on his face.

"Kendall Donald Knight!" his father shouted in his face, standing up to take a good hard look at his son. "What in the hell were you thinking? You could've been killed. You could've killed someone else. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kendall hung his head low, staring at his feet, but his father reached his grubby hand under his chin, forcing him to look up. "Look at me when I'm talking to you. How fucking stupid could you be?" In Kendall's peripheral vision he noticed a small figure appear in the corner, as his little sister peeked behind the door to watch the scene unfold.

"Katie go to bed. Now." Mrs. Knight demanded, pointing her finger towards her bedroom.

"Wait! I'm glad you're okay Kendall!" Katie ran up to her big brother and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Ugh you reek!" Katie scrunched up her face and left down the hall, walking as slowly as she could to try and catch any more of the argument.

"Damn daughter." Mr. Knight muttered under his breath, inaudible for anyone to hear. "Kendall..." he sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Dad I couldn't give a fuck what you have to say to me. I'm going to bed." Kendall tried to walk away, but his father took a tight grip on his arm, whipping him back around.

"What did you just say to me? Listen here boy-"

"NO! I haven't seen in you in 6 years, and suddenly you're back trying to act all high and mighty. Glad to know it takes me doing something ridiculously stupid for you to notice me. What a father you are." Kendall spat, glaring down his father, who he hated for tearing their family apart all those years ago.

Before Kendall could grasp what was coming, a loud smack filled the room, his dad's hand coming into contact with the side of his face. His cheek seared with pain, but Kendall refused to show weakness.

"Steve..." Mrs. Knight mumbled, eyes wide with disgust, her ears still ringing from the smack against her son's head. "I think you should go."

"Don't tell me what to do. Someone's gotta teach this deadbeat son of ours a lesson, and it sure as hell ain't gonna be you Jen." Taking this moment to regain himself, Kendall pulled his arm back, launching his fist against his father's jaw, watching as he stumbled backwards into the table. Anger flared behind his dad's green eyes, the one feature Kendall inherited from the man. "Whatever. I don't give a fuck what happens to you any of you. I'm out." Mr. Knight growled, pushing roughly past Kendall down the hall, slamming the front door behind him as he left.

"Kendall are you okay?" Mrs. Knight scrambled over to her son, lightly stroking the handprint still visible on his cheek.

"Yeah Mom, I'm good." Kendall winced at the slight pressure, leaning back against the wall and sliding down it, slumping down onto the floor.

"You're still not off the hook Kendall. How could you do that? What were you thinking? Putting everyone, especially yourself in danger like that!" Mrs. Knight cried, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I know I know. I'll never do it again I promise." Kendall mumbled, staring straight ahead in front of him, avoiding eye contact.

"I know it won't. I'm sorry Kendall but there's nothing else I can do besides...besides..."

"Besides what?" Kendall shook, afraid of what was to come next. He knew it couldn't be good.

"Your father...Steve enrolled you in military school."

"WHAT?" Kendall yelled, standing up to quickly as the room began to spin again. "How could you...why? Mom why?"

"I didn't know what else to do Kendall. You leave tomorrow." Mrs. Knight whispered.

"Fucking perfect. Just ship me away. No one cares anyway." Kendall groaned, turning away from his mom before heading to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Flopping down onto this bed, Kendall held his pillow close to his chest, finally letting the tears fall. "Nobody cares."

The tires screeched to a halt on the dirt road. Standing up, Kendall slung his bag over his shoulder and ducked his head as he made his way off the bus. He scrutinized the surrounding buildings ahead of him, watching as other boys and girls his age walked around the campus in uniforms, all staring down the new kid. Grabbing a tighter hold onto his bag, Kendall followed the path leading to the "Sergeant's" Office. Around him he could hear whispers shadowing him with every step he took.

Sauntering past the double doors, Kendall glanced behind the secretary's desk, his breath catching in his chest at the sight of the brunette boy sitting there. He gave the boy a friendly smile, only to be returned with a look of pure loathing. "Knight?" the boy asked, tapping his foot harshly against the linoleum floor as he awaited a response.

Kendall gulped, swallowing hard as he replied with a cool, "What?"

"Just making sure." He muttered, rolling his eyes and pointing towards the door down at the end of the hall. "He's waiting for you. I suggest you don't keep him waiting."

"Really? Maybe I will then." Kendall smirked, dropping his bag to the floor at his side, giving the boy a smug look. "So how long have you been here?"

"How about you don't talk to me and just go do what you're supposed to do. _Idiot._ " The boy cursed under his breath.

Taking the hint, Kendall retrieved his bag from the floor, taking two cautious steps closer towards the Sergeant's office. "Jackass," Kendall sneered, leaving the guy there with his jaw dropped, chuckling to himself.

"Aww Mr. Knight I've been expecting you. Please take a seat." The Sergeant, Doctor Mitchell, waved a hand towards the chair in front of him. Kendall sat, grimacing at the pale room before him. "Now we just have a few things to...discuss before I show you to your dorm."

"How about let's not and say we did?" Kendall uttered, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the man across from him.

"How about no. Now your father is one of my good friends, a respectable man around here. I hope you'll do him justice staying with us for the next few months."

"My dad? Respectable? That's fucking hilarious." Kendall scoffed, wondering just how thick this guy could get.

"Ahh. Already breaking a rule are we? Rule one, profound language is forbidden. Using it will lead you to extra drill sessions, and you don't want that do you? Rule two, no drinking, smoking, or use of illegal substances period. Glancing at your record I realize that may be hard-"

"Shocker. No illegal drugs to be used at school. Please go on enforcing rules that are so blatantly obvious." Kendall spoke, rolling his eyes, already planning to break that rule by the end of the day.

"Do not interrupt me while I'm speaking! You really are a tough one aren't you? Well news flash Knight. We don't put up with that here so I suggest you do as I say."

"Yeah? Or what?"

"Well I'm under strict orders that if you break even one rule, your father says to ship you off to the Juvenile Correctional Facility. He seems to think you belong there, but your mom begged to have you sent here instead. So I suggest you wise up pal."

"Okay. Can I go now?" Kendall asked, his patience testing.

The Sergeant handed Kendall a pamphlet with every regulation listed on it, along with his daily schedule. Grabbing Kendall by the arm, he pulled him out of his chair and accompanied him back to the front door, watching as Kendall left through the doors.

Looking over at the desk the brunette still sat at, Doctor Mitchell called him over, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and giving it a tight squeeze. "Keep an eye on him for me, Logan. He's nothing but trouble."

"Don't worry Dad, I will." Logan replied, glaring Kendall's retreating figure down, wanting absolutely nothing to do with him.

After finding his way to his dorm, Kendall set his bag to the side, sitting down on the squeaky mattress of his bed and rubbing his hands over his face. He groaned, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling, wondering why everyone hated him. It was as if he couldn't do anything right anymore. Kendall was beginning to think his dad was right, he was nothing more than a deadbeat son. Hating himself, Kendall unzipped his bag, rifling through the mess of clothes as he searched for the hidden compartment. Opening it up, Kendall grabbed hold of the flask, taking a long swig before twisting the cap closed and setting it back inside. The bitter taste burned down his throat as he swallowed, running a hand through his hair and sighing loudly. After, he reached for the razor, tucking it in his pocket before making his way to the bathroom.

Kendall never cut too deep, only far enough to give him comfort. The pain was his only escape. He slid the sharp edge against his thigh, watching as the crimson erupted from his skin, dripping down his leg and falling to the floor. Kendall took a deep breath, the pain numbing his thoughts as he leaned back against the counter, feeling the need to cut again. But he wouldn't. He would save the next cut for another day, another moment he felt weak.

Kendall wiped away at the blood, covering his wound with a bandage. Checking to make sure the bathroom was clean, he retreated back to his room, a small smile spreading across his face when he noticed the guitar case leaning against his night stand. A note stuck to it saying, _I thought you may need this. -Mom_.

Not in the mood, Kendall waited out the day in his room, lying on his bed and stared at the ceiling feeling sorry for himself. It wasn't until past midnight when he left, sneaking out the window with his guitar case strapped to his side.

Unsure of where we was going, Kendall followed his feet wherever they took him. When he reached the edge of the lake on campus he smiled, watching as the moonlight reflected off the surface of the water. Kendall strut across the dock, letting his legs hand over the edge before taking his guitar out of it's case, strumming a few chords to get a feel for the music.

"You know if you get caught you're fucked." He heard a familiar voice warn. Looking around, Kendall didn't notice anyone in the darkness. In front of him beneath the water, Logan's head broke the surface, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "Not much for rules are you?"

Kendall held back a scream, shuffling backwards on the dock as he attempted to collect his bearings. After a few deep breaths he said, "Why do you care?"

"I don't." Logan said, watching him closely as he lifted himself out of the water. Kendall exhaled loudly, surveying Logan's body as the water dripped from his pale skin slowly.

"Drool much?" Logan snickered, reaching around him for a towel, wrapping himself in it and sitting down next to him.

Kendall wiped at his chin, embarrassed. "Don't you care about getting in trouble, you prick?"

"I would if it mattered. But it doesn't. I own this place."

"Yeah sure. You're just a secretary and student." Kendall rolled his eyes, packing away his guitar, getting ready to leave. Logan wasn't helping his mood.

"You forgot to mention I'm the Sergeant's son," laughing, Logan watched Kendall's eyes go wide with fear.

"Oh fuck. Umm you didn't see me here." Kendall begged, slowly backing away from him. As much as he hated it there, he didn't want to be sent to Juvy.

"Nope. I didn't see a soul. I'm Logan by the way." He stood up, holding out his hand for Kendall to shake.

Kendall took it cautiously, "I'm Kendall."

"I know. I've heard so much about you from my dad. He's told me to keep watch of you."

"Oh really? And are you going to listen to him?" Kendall smirked, stilling shaking Logan's hand slowly.

"I haven't decided yet." Logan smiled, pushing by him as he felt Kendall's eyes burn into his back, watching as he walked away. "Good night Kendall."

"Night," Kendall mumbled, blowing his bangs out of his face. Gripping tight onto his guitar, Kendall followed Logan back up to campus, keeping a far enough distance behind him, admiring Logan's body as he walked. "This is about to be a long six months." Kendall whispered to himself as he smiled, intending on seeing Logan again soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay I am sorry this part is so short, I wanted it to be longer but I've been struck by writer's block. I promise the next part of the story will be much longer, and hopefully it will be up within the next week. I'm pretty busy with AP exams and my birthday and graduation but I always try to set up a little time to write. Oh and a side note, if you haven't read The Bachelor  by **Clarry** go look it up. It is amazing and you need to read it. Haha, hope this part isn't too terrible. I promise it to be longer next time! Enjoy!

* * *

The next day Kendall woke himself with a groan; the rough mattress beneath him reminding him of where he was. Sitting up in bed, he ran his fingers through his dirty blonde hair, tugging slightly on the ends. He reached for his bag, fumbling for the uniform he would be forced to wear on a daily basis. Kendall sighed, stretching his long, limber legs as he dragged himself into the shower. He leaned his head against the glass while the scalding water numbed the tension in his muscles. The only thing that kept him going was the thought of seeing Logan again.

Once dressed and ready to go, Kendall sauntered out of his room without even a glance back, making his way across campus to the cafeteria. Being the new kid brought upon pressures Kendall couldn't ignore. Everywhere around him voices whispered, watching him with dismay as he found an empty table in the back corner to eat at. Attempting to keep his focus on his food, Kendall would raise his head every few minutes or so, scanning the grand room for the raven haired boy he so desperately wanted to find. As soon as he located Logan, in the center table, surrounded by friends, Kendall couldn't seem to keep his eyes off the boy.

"The new kid's staring at you." Josh mumbled into Logan's ear, pointing in Kendall's direction. Logan's head shot up, taking note of his loneliness. It almost made Logan feel sorry for him, but with one reminder of how Kendall treated him the day before, Logan instantly went back to hating him.

"How long has he been watching?" Logan asked out of the corner of his mouth.

"He looks up at you practically every ten seconds. Why is that?"

"I have no clue. But I wish he'd stop." Logan mumbled, twirling his spoon around in his bowl of cereal, suddenly no longer hungry.

"I don't think he will. Try staring back, maybe he'll freak out and look away." Josh suggested. Logan shrugged, anything was worth a shot.

Kendall glanced up from his food for the eighth time, watching Logan with a curious gaze, when he froze. Logan was staring back, an appalled look displayed upon his pale face. Grunting in frustration, Kendall grabbed his half empty tray and stepped away from his table, lodging the food in a nearby trash can before escaping the cafeteria.

Kendall took a stroll around campus, waiting for the signal of classes to start. Even the idea of being trapped in a musty old classroom sounded desirable, anything to distract Kendall sounded appealing.

The trumpet sounded from the Gazebo, escaping the loud speakers placed randomly around the grounds. Hanging his head low, Kendall shuffled his feet to his first class, Literature. Kendall was shocked to find himself the first person in the room; he was never one for punctuality. Sighing, Kendall took a seat closest to the back door, giving him access to an escape when the class ended.

"You're in my seat." Kendall heard a rough voice from behind him. Turning in his chair he looked up into the dark, searing eyes of none other than Logan. _Just perfect,_ Kendall thought, before ignoring Logan and turning back to face the front, watching as more students piled into the classroom, finding their desks.

"I said…you're in my seat, _Knight._" Logan spat, tugging on the back of the chair slightly, his cheeks flaming with anger. Logan was never one to control his temper.

"Cool story. Maybe if you tell me it a third time I'll actually give a shit."

Exhaling loudly, Logan slammed his books down onto the desk besides Kendall, refusing to glance in the blonde's direction. Kendall, on the other hand, couldn't seem to look away. He watched curiously as the shorter boys chest rose and fell quickly, agitated.

Logan could feel Kendall's eyes piercing into him, but he continued to avoid eye contact, negating to give the blonde the satisfaction that he desperately craved. _He's such a jerk,_ Logan told himself, attempting to calm himself, but to no avail.

Kendall, realizing he had been staring, looked down at his notebook in front of him and blushed, his cheeks feeling as though they were on fire. Fumbling around for a pencil in his bag, he began to write, getting lost in the words as they appeared on the page before him.

"Excuse me, Mr. Knight." The teacher, Mrs. Slate from the front called his name, giving him a stern look, her arms crossed over her chest in annoyance. "Eyes up front," Kendall scoffed, returning to the security his notebook gave him as he felt twenty something pairs of eyes burn holes into him. Like always, he was the center of attention. "I see you're going to be a problem."

"I always am." He smirked, setting his pencil down and glaring up at her.

Mrs. Slate sighed, turning her attention away and back to the class, calling the room to order. She walked between the desks, handing out paperback books they were all to read within the next two weeks. When she reached Kendall, Mrs. Slate let the book fall to the desk with thump. Catching Kendall's gaze she gave him a soft look. "I expect more of you. If only your father-"

"Don't. Talk. About. Him." Kendall muttered through gritted teeth. He eyed her with disgust. Mrs. Slate backed up quickly, as if Kendall was a bomb that might go off at any moment. Once out of her proximity, Kendall held the book up in his hands, rifling through the weathered pages and smiling to himself. _Wuthering Heights_ was one of his favorite books, not that he'd ever dare let that be known. Opening the torn cover to page one, he lost himself in another world, passing the time before venturing off to his next class.

Every class after his first was the same. He acted out against the professors, receiving dirty looks from the rest of the class as he seemed to bask in the attention. Another similarity as the first class, Logan was included in every one of them. This oddity both intrigued and upset Kendall; he still was not sure how to accept the boy who continued to openly despise him.

At the end of the day, Kendall was more than eager to return to his dorm. Again he felt the overwhelming pressure to cut, but he held back this time. Something inside him fought against it, telling him it wasn't the right time. Plus he'd never before cut within two consecutive days, he didn't want his self-mutilating habit turning into an addiction, he knew what consequences would lay ahead if he did. Instead, Kendall leaned his back against the headboard of his bed, extracting his English book from his bag and continuing to read, before soon falling asleep.

Kendall awoke with a start. Roughly, he rubbed his hands over his face, shaking him from his sleepy state. Glancing at his watch the time read only 11:00 pm. In a restless state, Kendall grabbed for his guitar, escaping out the window and heading back to the lake, hoping for some peace of mind.

Sitting on the edge of the dock like the night before, Kendall gently strummed his calloused fingers over the wiry chords, while singing softly into the night.

* * *

Logan whistled under his breath as he strolled across the grounds, just as he did every night. Walking up to the edge of lake, Logan stopped in his tracks, craning his head to listen to the blonde boy who was playing the guitar just a few feet ahead of him.

"_I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here…" _Logan stood there in the open, eavesdropping on Kendall as he sang. _Maybe he does have a soul,_ Logan thought, seeing a different side of Kendall he never thought he'd see. Quietly, Logan took a seat in the grass, listening as Kendall finished his song. Caught up in the moment, Logan didn't realize when the guitar strings fell silent, the only surrounding sounds being the soft rippling of the water against the shore or the crickets hidden in the weeds.

"Why are you here?" the familiar voice asked Logan, surprising him.

"I come here every night." Logan whispered, ashamed he was caught by Kendall.

"Oh…why do you do that?"

"It's a long story."

Kendall sat down in the grass next to Logan and sighed. "I've got time."

Avoiding the subject, Logan took a glimpse at the blonde, getting lost in his eyes. The way the emerald green sparkled as they reflected the moonlight enchanted him. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Logan finally spoke, avoiding the subject at hand. "You play well."

"Thanks, but that doesn't answer my question."

"How about you answer one for me first, why do you care what I do?"

Kendall shrugged, puffing out his lower lip, choosing his next words carefully. "I don't know; I was just curious. Trying to make small talk I guess. We haven't exactly gotten off on the right foot."

"I know that Kendall. You weren't exactly gracious to me when we met."

"Neither were you. You've disliked me since you first saw me. Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it Kendall. You better get back to your dorm now before I let my dad know you were here in the dead of night. It's forbidden to be out of dorms past ten."

"Ratting me out would be cheating yourself too." Kendall mumbled, standing up and brushing the loose pieces of grass from his jeans. "You know, you really don't seem all that terrible Logan."

"Thanks I guess. Goodnight Kendall."

"'Night Log." Kendall half waved, walking away back towards the main grounds.

Logan remained there, in awe that for the first time since meeting, Kendall wasn't a complete jerk to him. Thinking back to earlier, when he heard Kendall play, it occurred to Logan that maybe Kendall wasn't such a bad guy after all, and that maybe, hidden beneath that tough exterior, was someone just as abandoned in the world as he was.

After sulking for what felt like hours, Logan finally followed his feet as they lead them back to his dorm, sighing as he plopped down on the rickety mattress. The clock on his desk read 2:17 am; the time of day unsurprising in the slightest. "Just another sleepless night," he whispered in the darkness wishing for the escape only dreaming could bring him, disappointed in knowing it would never come.


	3. Chapter 3

So I figured I should state that I do not own any of the Big Time Rush characters (although I know I'd like to).

Anyway I decided to give you guys the background to how I got the idea for this story. I don't know if many of you have heard of the band Marianas Trench, but if you haven't they are amazing and you should definitely go YouTube them now. Well, this band has a song called Ever After, and that is the basis this story is written off of. That Kendall is Logan's perfect disaster, and Logan is Kendall's ever after and that nothing can really tear them apart once together, until something does. (That something won't happen until way later in the story, so be prepared this is probably the only time I will ever bring it up). Either way I just thought you deserved to know the idea of this story, considering that some of you really all seem to like it!

I'm sorry I fail at responding to replies, I don't really understand the whole aspect of having a conversation on fan fiction, it kind of confuses me. Is it just through Private Messaging or what? Haha either way I hope you guys enjoy this part as much as I enjoyed writing it. It includes twists that are important to the story line. I just hope I didn't throw you guys off too much there. Enjoy!

* * *

The next couple days went smoother for Kendall. He became accustomed to his schedule and the stares he would still receive. He even began to accept the teachers' comments about his dad. Of course they annoyed the hell out of him, but no one could really understand where he was coming from until he finally trusted himself to let someone in, but it wasn't easy for him to let his guard down. The closest he came to it was when he was with Logan.

It worried Kendall how much of his time he spent thinking about him. Every night since their first they had found a way to meet up at the lake. They would share a story or two as they enjoyed each other's company. Words unspoken would pass between them, but they would just sit and absorb the silence together; it beat having to sit through it alone.

But as the days flew by, Kendall had the sinking feeling that Logan was on to him and his attraction to the raven haired boy. At first it was subtle, no more than a mere glance in class or a friendly smile during Drill Team. Then things began to escalate. Logan would find a way to contact Kendall, to let his fingers brush gently over his skin when handing him a paper. Or when they would stay out late, their thighs would lean against one another's as they sat on the dock as the night passed before them. Now, it was getting worse.

Just before bed one night Kendall relived the events of his day. He was perfectly content, until remembering his encounter with Logan. The small boy had caught the blonde staring at him for what had to be the hundredth time that day. Logan, unable to hold back the inkling that the blonde boy sought after him, decided to have a little fun. When catching Kendall's gaze, Logan let his perfect tongue drag slowly past his pearly white teeth, allowing the muscle to linger over his lips, moistening them as Kendall watched with wide eyes, the room suddenly turning hot. Kendall had to pull on his collar just to cool himself off, taking multiple breaths before regaining his composure. "Could you not do that?" Kendall hissed.

"Do what?" Logan smirked, noticing the blush on Kendall's cheeks.

"You know what you're doing, stop it."

"Oh you mean this…" Logan traced his lips with his tongue again, slower this time, ending the show with biting down on his bottom lip hard and letting out a soft moan.

"Fuck you."

"You know you want to."

"You wish." Kendall spat, turning away from Logan, unable to get the image out of his head.

Remembering that moment in bed, a rush of blood flowed south, perking up Kendall's ever present 'friend' whenever his thoughts would stray to Logan in the dead of night. Incapable of just ignoring his hormones, Kendall set to work on himself, gripping his favorite appendage tightly in his hand with rough strokes as he would imagine it being Logan's hand instead of his own. Getting off on the image, Kendall groaned, bucking his hips up into his hand, knowing it wouldn't be long until he couldn't take it any longer. "Logan," he whispered, the name rolling off his tongue as he came, hating himself for being so caught up on the guy. It was never this way before, with any other guy, so why was Logan different?

Disappointed in himself, Kendall resorted to taking his anger out on the razor, slicing open a new wound and taking calming breaths as the sight of the blood egged him on, daring him to cut again. But Kendall stood his ground, stopping after one, saving the other for a worse day, when he would let his guard down again. It was times like these when Kendall was glad he had a room of his own. With a mate to share his quarters with the blonde would probably go insane. Having to hide his self-mutilation in the presence of another would only drive him over the edge with anxiety. And that was the last thing he needed on his plate.

* * *

Logan felt the rush of hot air engulf the room as the front door swung shut behind the new kid. Glancing up, Logan began at the newcomer's feet, trailing his eyes up the boy's lean, muscular body before settling on his perfect face. His eyes were a deep hazel, framed by long lashes. Logan let out a slow breath, waiting for the boy to step forward.

"Diamond?" the boy asked, as if his name were a question. Logan choked down a breath, motioning him forward.

"Just down the hall." The boy gulped frightened out of his wits. "Don't worry, he's not so bad." Logan shot him a friendly smile, giving him an appreciative look as he retreated down the hall, before shaking his head and getting back to work.

Not even a few minutes later, the front door burst open again, this time with more force as Kendall stomped through the door.

"What now Kendall? Don't you get enough of me in class? Or do you want more?" Logan smirked, watching Kendall's face cloud over as his cheeks blushed.

"Shut up. I want to know why the hell someone else's bags are in my room. I never signed up for a fucking roommate."

"Language Knight!" The Sergeant called, one hand on the new guy's shoulder as he escorted him back into the main room.

"Who's the new kid?"

"James Diamond." The brunette mumbled, looking at Kendall and giving him a shaky smile.

"He's your new roommate."

"What?" Both Logan and Kendall said at once, shocked by the news. Jealousy bubbled up inside Logan, if anyone should be Kendall's roommate it was him.

"You're kidding right?"

"No, maybe having a nice kid with you will help straighten you out a bit Knight."

"But Dad!" Logan piped up. He watched as Kendall gave James a once over, obviously admiring the view. _Fuck, I've already lost him._

"Why are you so put out by this, Logan?"

"Yeah Logan, why so put out?" Kendall chuckled, raising his eyebrows at him and smirking.

"Uhh…I'm not. Enjoy your new roommate Knight."

"Oh I will." Kendall rolled his eyes and pushed his way through the door. "Well, aren't you coming?" He muttered as James just stood there in shock.

"Y-yes. Thanks for everything Dr. Mitchell, I'm glad you understand."

"It's not a problem son. Let me know if he," the Sergeant nodded towards Kendall, "Gives you any trouble."

"I think we'll get along just fine," smiled James, following in Kendall's footsteps as he showed him to their room.

Watching as they left, Logan cornered in on his dad, shock written all over his face. "Why did you place them together Dad? Kendall's going to destroy that poor kid."

"No he won't. Just wait and see." And with that, Dr. Mitchell turned on his heel and left Logan standing in his dust. Freaking out, Logan paced back and forth in the small room, fretting over everything that could be happening between both guys. Why couldn't he have been chosen to share with Kendall? Logan could just imagine the nights spent together, crawling into Kendall's bed in the middle of the night, teasing and touching him; making Kendall beg for mercy while he would scream out his name in ecstasy. Logan was livid beyond belief, Kendall was all his. There was no way some new pretty boy was going to fuck up everything they'd had, even if all they'd had is nothing so far.

* * *

"So, this is your new wonderful home." Kendall said briskly, inviting James into the room.

"Could be worse."

"Just wait. After one night on these mattresses, you'll be begging to be back home."

"I doubt it Kendall."

"Why? Don't you want to go back?"

"I don't want to talk about it." James shook his head and dropped his bag down next to him on his bed and sighed. "So what's it like here?"

"Boring. Really boring."

"Oh." James sighed dejectedly. "So who was that other kid in the office? What's his name?"

"Who? Oh Logan!" Kendall smiled, remembering back to how Logan had seemed taken aback by his new living arrangement. Maybe he wasn't imagining their newfound friendship.

"Yeah, sure Logan. Who is he?"

"An army brat. He's the Sergeant's son, and he's kind of a prick." _A sexy prick that I want all to myself._

"Oh well he's hot." _Back off new kid he's mine._

"Ehh, I guess if you go for guys like that. Wait are you-?"

"Yeah I like guys. That's actually the reason I'm here. My dad couldn't stand the fact I'd rather fuck a dick than a chick. He thought Military school would 'straighten me out', literally." James chuckled.

"Wow that sucks man. Sorry you're stuck here because of something as fucked up as that." _You better fucking stay away from Logan. You may be insanely hot but I saw him first._

"Yeah I've got some family issues to sort out, but it's not like I can do that here." Kendall walked forward and sat down the bed next to James, throwing his arm around the brunette's shoulder.

"No they kind of cut you off from the rest of the world here. It's shitty."

"Tell me about it. Actually don't. Tell me more about Logan."

"He's a prick. There's nothing much else to say. Why, you have a little crush on him?" Kendall joked, poking James in the ribs hard, jealousy taking over him.

"Who Logan? No not at all. He's not my type." _Thank fucking God. Even if he was your type I'd still kick your ass before you had a chance with him. _"I prefer blondes." James smiled at Kendall, his deep hazel eyes burning holes into Kendall's green ones.

"Oh…._Ohhhh._" the realization hit Kendall, causing him to shy away from James and moving over to his own bed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out or anything. I just thought I should tell you, you're hot Kendall. So fucking hot." Kendall took a deep breath, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks.

"Thanks." He mumbled, staring at his feet while twiddling his thumbs like an idiot. "You're pretty straight forward huh?"

"No, not straight, just forward. When I like something I go after it."

"Well what if you're not my type?"

"Oh shit I'm sorry. I guess I just pegged you as dick lover from the beginning. Girls are lucky to have you playing for their team."

"I uhh…no it's not that. I like guys James. But maybe you're not my type."

James laughed. "I'm everybody's type. Look at me." Kendall obliged, cursing himself for it. He admired James confidence as he glanced up at the brunette, drinking in his perfect smile, his dazzling eyes, and his silky smooth hair. Kendall could just imagine himself digging his fingers through those dark brown locks. "See, I'm irresistible."

"I wouldn't quite call you that."

"Ooh then what would you call me?"

"Self-absorbed, but in a good way."

"In a fuckable way?" James bit down on his lip hard, watching Kendall with wary eyes.

"Jesus James! Like I said earlier, you're not my type. You're hot, I'll give you that, but you're not what I'm looking for."

"It will all change with time Kendall, soon you'll be begging for me." Kendall tried to fight back a laugh, although maybe James was right. Maybe if things didn't work out with Logan they'd have a chance, but for now his heart was set on the boy with the chocolaty brown eyes and the smile that drove him wild.

"How can you be so sure?"

"In the end they all fall for me, just wait and see." James stood up and took a few large strides as he stood in front of Kendall before running his fingers through Kendall's dirty blonde locks. Kendall's breath hitched in his throat. _Think of Logan, think of Logan, think of Logan. Oh fuck that feels good. Fuck! No, it's Logan, it's always Logan. _

James laughed at the apparent agony he was causing Kendall. "Soon you won't be able to resist me." James whispered in Kendall's ear, his lips tickling his skin before he backed away from Kendall and headed out of their room, without even a glance back.

Shocked, Kendall sat still, unsure of how to move. _I'm not even going to survive one day with that smug bastard._

* * *

Logan waited at the lake, checking his watch every few minutes as he desperately awaited Kendall's arrival. He was getting anxious, usually the blonde was there by his side by now, but tonight it was different. What if tonight he brought James along with him? Logan thought of their time at the lake as special. He didn't need some new guy fucking it up, just like he fucked up everything else.

"Come on Kendall where are you?" Logan mumbled into the darkness.

"I'm right here Einstein." Logan almost fell into the lake, Kendall's sudden appearance scaring the hell out of him.

"Don't you ever sneak up on me again!"

"I'm sorry. I had to make sure James didn't follow me." Logan frowned at the name, hating to hear the words escape from Kendall's lips. His name was the only name he wanted to hear Kendall speak.

"Good. He better not have. So what's he like? He seems nice."

"Yeah, he's a pretty cool guy. A little intimidating, but I guess it's nice to have some company."

"How's he intimidating?"

"Well first off, I'm surprised he didn't jump my bones as soon as we were alone." Logan's whole body tensed. He clenched his fists in his lap, trying to hide his discomfort from Kendall's watchful eyes.

"Oh? I bet you loved that, didn't you Knight?"

"Shove off Logan. I will admit he is drop dead sexy as fuck." Again, Logan tensed up, this time disappointment hitting him hard. He knew there was no way he could compete with James.

"Yeah I guess. He's not my type though."

"I didn't think he was mine either. But there's just something about him Logan. Maybe rooming with him will be a good thing. This way I can explore my options." _But I'm supposed to be your only option. Me, not James._

"Oh, so the new kid does have a chance?"

"If he keeps teasing me he does. Fuck Logan, he's so fucking hot. It makes me hate him." _Good, hate him. Love me instead._

"You can't just hate him, you barely know him. Remember when you hated me?"

"Who says I still don't? And as I recall, you were the one busting my nuts Mr. 'I'll tell my daddy on you'."

"Fuck off Kendall, I haven't ratted on you yet."

"Why, waiting for the perfect moment, are we?"

Logan paused for an answer. He wouldn't be able to stand it if Kendall left him now. He was already in over his head. "Maybe I am, you never know."

"Oh." Kendall sighed, Logan watching him intently, waiting for his next move. Kendall surprised him by standing up and taking a few steps back.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you. You're pissing me off more than usual."

"But Kendall!" Logan followed the blonde, unable to watch him go.

"Leave me alone. I'll just see you tomorrow." Kendall sauntered off into the darkness, making his way back to his room. In the bushes nearby, Logan heard the snap of a twig and the rustling of leaves; someone had been watching them.

"Hello?" Logan called out, but only silence answered him. "I know you're there!"

"No you don't." A deep voice answered this time as Logan watched James step out of the bushes, a wide smirk on his face. "So you're the reason Kendall's not into me. I should've known."

"Stay the fuck away from him Diamond."

"And what if I don't?"

Logan stopped, James retort coming to him unexpectedly.

"Nothing to say? Hmm, maybe Kendall doesn't mean as much to you as I thought he did. Such a shame Logan, letting him leave like that. Maybe once I get back to the room I can…calm him down a bit."

"I swear to God James if you do so much as touch him I'll…I'll…"

"You'll what? Stutter at me?" James laughed, already beginning to walk away.

"You know what. Do whatever the fuck you want with him. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"Is that honestly supposed to scare me, because it doesn't. And good, I plan on doing whatever the fuck I want to him. Maybe I'll run my fingers through his hair again, he seemed to enjoy that earlier." Logan froze, anger pulsing inside him. He was the only one who was allowed to touch Kendall. Why did James have to come along and fuck everything up?

"You, you what?"

"You heard me. Did you know how soft his hair is? It feels like silk on your hands. You should try it sometime."

"Fuck you, Diamond. Go away."

"But why? It's fun to watch you squirm. Plus, now that I'm here, it's not like you stand a chance with him anyways. You're just an 'army brat' or at least that's what he told me." Unable to take it anymore, Logan leaned forward and punched James in the gut, watching the brunette fall to his knees in pain.

"Just stay the fuck away from him." Logan snarled, before walking off back to his own lonely room.

He laid in bed and imagined what would happen when James returned to Kendall. Would he tell him what happened between them, or play it off as if nothing happened? Would Kendall comfort James after hearing how he punched him? They were both attracted to one another, that much was obvious. What if they snuggled up together, sharing a bed and a blanket and kisses in the dark? Logan cursed himself for his thoughts, knowing that at least one thing was for sure. He really fucking hated James Diamond.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay so this part some of you really may not like, but your mind may change throughout it. I tried to make this one longer. I'm sorry I take so long to update. This week was pretty hectic with AP Exams and Prom (even though I didn't go, me and my friend had an anti Prom party haha). But this story is my baby I'm glad you guys are into it and continue to read it. It really means a lot. And all the breaks are just a change of point of view between Logan and Kendall. I know you probably all know this, but I just need to put it out there. I hope to update more. And The next part will definitely include a surprise I bet no one expects. Happy reading everybody (:

Oh and I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.

* * *

Kendall could barely contain himself when he reached his dorm. Barely registering the fact that James was gone, Kendall fell to his bed, clutching his pillow to his chest and wondering what it was that he did wrong. Why did Logan hate him so much, and why did he want to send him home so badly? The thought lingered in Kendall's mind, bringing the boy to the verge of tears. He just couldn't fathom the idea of ever being kicked out of school. Leaving school meant leaving Logan, and Kendall was in too deep for that to happen.

Sleep was far from Kendall's to do list. He laid awake worrying whether or not he would still be there the next morning. Knowing Logan anything could come as a surprise by now. No matter how much Kendall thought he knew what Logan was thinking, he was always wrong, leading him to second guess himself whenever it came to Logan's actions.

It wasn't too long until James returned, climbing back in through the window in both which him and Kendall escaped earlier. "Kendall," James whispered when he saw the boy curled up in bed, a few stray tears sliding down his rosy cheeks.

"Not now."

"But…"

"James don't start now. Please."

James ignored Kendall's plea and walked over to his bed, settling himself next to him on the small mattress. He wrapped an around Kendall's waist and held Kendall's hand in his, rubbing smooth circles along the inside of his palm. "You don't understand no do you?"

James chuckled, "No not really. So you really have it bad for him don't you?"

"Worse than you could imagine."

"I see. It's terrible he doesn't feel the same."

Kendall froze, his heart all but stopping in his chest. He whipped his head around to face James, their noses practically touching from the confined space. "H-how do you know?"

"He mentioned it to me after you stormed off. I may have followed you earlier." Kendall's face registered no emotion, he was still distraught by the comment of Kendall's feelings not being reciprocated by the raven haired boy. Those few simple words all but broke his heart. "I was curious about you. I overheard the whole conversation. The guy sounds like a total douche."

_But there's so much more to him, he just doesn't show it_. "I guess he is. But ever since I arrived here he's all I've had. I've become attached to something I guess I can never have."

"Now you have me." James said softly, looking deep into Kendall's eyes, silently begging for him to move past Logan and onto him.

"No offense, but what if you're not what I want? Logan is all I want."

"You may not want me Kendall, but admit it. You need me."

"I don't need anyone James. Don't just go assuming things you don't understand. You barely know me, who are you to judge?"

"Shh..." James pressed a finger to Kendall's lips softly, silencing him. "I'm not judging Kendall. I don't mean to come off like this. It's just that…you're all I want. It doesn't matter if we just met only hours ago. Since then I've only had eyes for you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"I know and I'm sorry James but you're not him. You're not-" Kendall was interrupted by James leaning forward. The brunette pressed his lips against Kendall's. Unsure of what to do, Kendall gave in, surrendering to James' kiss. His lips were soft, yet commanding against his own. His mind was screaming at him to stop it, but Kendall couldn't muster up to pull away. James ran his fingers over Kendall's cheek, cupping his face in his hand. For once since he arrived, Logan wasn't the first thing on his mind. All he could think of was James.

Pushing himself far enough, James pulled away from Kendall, searching his face to see if he had pushed too far, but Kendall only smiled. "Why did you do that?"

"I couldn't bother hearing you say his name again, saying that I wasn't him."

"Can we just not talk about…about Logan?" Saying his name brought his face to mind, reminding Kendall how wrong it was to be with James; to kiss James, to hold James, to want anything to do with James. But Kendall didn't care. Anything to help him forget about Logan helped, even if it meant hurting James in the process.

"Instead of talking we could…you know," James flashed Kendall a heart melting smile, and before Kendall could register what he was doing, his lips were hot on James' again. James gave in instantly, parting his lips and tracing Kendall's mouth with his tongue, begging for the entrance he so desperately craved. Kendall obliged, rubbing his hands down James' back and letting him in. James dominated Kendall and rolled over on top of him, pinning him to the bed. Their teeth knocked together, their tongues rolling around as James dove deeper into Kendall's mouth and inhaled Kendall's moans, silencing them with his lips.

Needing more, Kendall reached around James, grabbing onto the belt loops of his pants and pushing him down and Kendall thrusting up. James let go a loud moan, breaking the kiss and gasping for breath. He dug his hips deep into Kendall's, each boy's arousal straining against the pants that held them back from skin to skin contact. James whispered, "I knew I could make you forget about him," and then everything stopped. Kendall laid there motionless, unable to get back into it. All he could see were those big brown eyes, that lopsided smile, and those perfect dimples. All he could see was Logan staring back at him, not James.

"Get off," he mumbled, but James just ignored him, reaching down for Kendall's pants and undoing the button. "I said get off."

Kendall pushed James to the side and sat up on the edge of the bed. "What did I do wrong?" James sounded hurt, but he was angry more than anything else.

"Just think about what you last said. And while you do that, I'll be in the shower."

"Can I join yo-," James asked hopefully, but Kendall cut him off with the raising of his hand.

"No, you can't. I just need to figure everything out okay?" Kendall grabbed his bag, lugging it into the bathroom with him, leaving James sitting there, wondering what the hell he did wrong.

In the shower Kendall leaned against the glass and cursed himself. Visions of both boys clouded his mind. First Logan, then James, then back to Logan. He couldn't decide between the two no matter how hard he tried. There was a lust that consumed him, shouting James' name and yelling at him to get back in that bed and finish what they started. There was confirmation with James. Kendall never had a doubt that James wasn't attracted to him. The boy had thrown himself at him twice in one day, the second time Kendall being happy to oblige. James felt safe and secure, yet dangerous all at once. He was exciting.

On the other hand, there was Logan, who for the past week Kendall had yet to forget about. Logan's soft, pink lips, and dark tousled hair always playing a permanent image in Kendall's mind. He was the boy Kendall had sought after from the beginning. There was no security with Logan. He mystified Kendall, never letting his thoughts known. It drove Kendall crazy, yet excited him all the while. And now that he'd felt the taste of James' lips, for the time being that's all Kendall wanted to feel. But the thought loomed in the back of his mind, making him wonder how Logan's lips would feel; how his touch would feel. Kendall couldn't help but wonder _what if._ What if Logan had been the one to make a move first? Would he even be questioning himself like he was? Kendall groaned, letting the scalding water drown out his thoughts.

Turning the knob he stepped out of the shower and leaned against the counter for support. Reaching into his bag he clasped his hand around his razor, splitting open a fresh would on the top of his thigh. Gritting his teeth Kendall winced, letting out a low grunt before wiping away at the blood and bandaging himself. Making sure the room was clean, Kendall stepped into his boxers and walked out of the bathroom, crawling into James' bed and falling asleep in his arms.

* * *

Logan kept his eyes glued to their table, not giving a shit whether anyone realized his staring. He was fuming inside, watching the way they knelt their heads together to talk, or the way Kendall would laugh at James' jokes. It took all of his control not to walk over to their table and grab Kendall by the wrist and steal him away.

Feeling sick, Logan picked up his barely eaten breakfast and made his way to English, sitting in his seat, waiting for Kendall to arrive. When he did he let out a sigh of relief, happy to see James hadn't tagged along. Diamond must have had a different schedule. _Maybe I can steal back his attention. I just need to know a way how._

Logan scooted his desk closer to Kendall's, looking over at him and smiling. "What do you want Mitchell?"

"Oh nothing. So I noticed you and James acting pretty close this morning. I don't have any competition do I?"

Kendall shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of what to say. "Umm, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh come on Knight. Like you said last night, you had to fight him off from jumping your bones. You know you can tell me anything right?"

"I can?"

"Of course. I'm a trustworthy guy."

Kendall snorted, unable to fight back his laughter. "Sure you are Logan."

"Don't act like you know me." _Give me a chance to show you who I really am. _

"I'm not saying I do."

"Either way, I can tell you're dying to tell what's on your mind…meet me by the lake after class okay?"

"B-but what about our next class?" Kendall gulped, he didn't need an excuse to get on Sergeant Mitchell's bad side any more than he already was.

"Skip it." Logan mumbled in a low voice. "You know you want to." Logan reached his hand over, settling it on Kendall's leg and sliding it up higher on his thigh.

"Fine. I'll meet you there. This better not be some stupid trick, Mitchell."

"I wouldn't do that to you." Logan whispered, his lips close to Kendall's ear before backing away. Logan couldn't help but chuckle at the terrified look on Kendall's face. But he knew he would come and meet him. And that was all that mattered to Logan.

* * *

Kendall trudged down to the lake, practically shaking in his boots with the fear of getting caught. But it would be worth it to spend some time with Logan. Kendall could barely get the image of Logan's hand on his thigh out of his head. His touch felt so good, it made James feel like nothing.

Suddenly a hand grabbed Kendall's wrist, pulling him into the crowd of trees along the trail leading to the lake. "What the fuck?"

"Shh. Do you want to get caught?"

"Hey this wasn't my bright idea genius. It was yours."

"You think I don't know that? Damn Kendall, just be quiet and follow me."

"But where are we-,"

"Just follow me." Logan held onto Kendall's wrist, leading him deeper into the woods, snapping a few twigs along the way until reaching a bank of the stream that led to the lake. "Okay, no one will find us here."

"If you're so paranoid about getting caught, why did you make me come here?"

"Because, I figured you needed a friend. Is there anything you need to tell me?"

"Why would I tell you? You're a dick to me half the time Logan."

"I have my reasons for the way I act. Now will you please just tell me what's going on with you and James?"

"Are you, Logan Mitchell, jealous?" Kendall snickered, finally tearing his wrist out of Logan's grip and sitting down on the ground, making himself comfortable.

"Jealous? Of you two? You're kidding right? I'm just curious as to what's going on." _Sure you are. I can see right through you. You're jealous of me. You want James all to yourself._ Kendall sighed, the thought setting in that he wasn't the one Logan wanted. All these suspicions started up as soon as James arrived, so he had to be the root of all their demise.

"Just shut up okay. What exactly do you want to know?"

"Everything. What's going on with you two? There is something going on right?"

Kendall wasn't sure whether to lie or not, so he decided to go with what he deemed Logan worthy of knowing. "We're just friends. Although there's no doubt he doesn't like me. The guy can't keep his hands off me."

Logan's face paled, and Kendall noticed. He didn't realize his words would have such an effect on him. "Do you like him?" Logan asked, his voice low and dead sounding. Kendall wanted nothing more than to hold him in his arms and kiss his pain away. He could tell Logan was hurt.

"I don't know, Logan. I do but I don't. It's hard to explain. You wouldn't understand."

"Then help me Kendall. Help me understand!"

"How can I help you understand when I barely understand it myself?" Kendall stood back up and paced around the edge of the bank, muttering curse words under his breath.

Logan stood up too, reaching for Kendall's wrist again but Kendall only shook him off. "What's so hard to understand? Just tell me Kendall."

"I can't Logan. You're the last person I can talk to about this. I don't even know why I came here."

"It's because you wanted to talk to me, just like I wanted to talk to you. Kendall you can tell me anything. Please don't leave yet. I want to understand this."

"So do I…so do I." Kendall shook his head and dropped his neck, covering his face into his hands and sighing. There was no way he could tell Logan the truth. It would change everything between them. What if it ended up badly? What if Logan wanted nothing to do with him? Kendall couldn't live with that thought. Logan was his everything. He was all he needed to be happy. James was just a distraction.

"Come on Kendall. I promise I'm not going anywhere. Just tell me!"

"I don't know if I should. Maybe James should…since he's the one you care so much about."

"James? James Diamond? Fuck James Diamond!"

"I know you want to. He's enough of a horny bastard he'd probably let you." Kendall smirked, looking at the shocked look on Logan's face.

"You honestly don't know anything do you? Are you really that thick? God Knight you're such a fucking idiot."

Logan's words hit him where it hurt. That's all Kendall's ever been called his entire life; an idiot, a screw up, a waste of space, and every other name in the book. Kendall took one step away from Logan, staring at him with hurt in his eyes. He could barely register any of his thoughts. All of Logan's words brought back memories of him as a kid, cowering in corner as his parents fought, listening to his dad yell. Kendall tried to fight the images but he couldn't. They consumed him. He fell to his knees, hiding his face in his hands and fighting back the tears that so desperately wished to fall. He wouldn't break down in front of Logan. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing the broken kid he tried so hard to keep hidden.

"Kendall….Kendall I didn't mean it like that. Kendall…" Logan reached out to place a hand around Kendall's wrist, freeing the boy's face of his hands. "Kendall why are you here?"

The question surprised Kendall. He was here for Logan, because Logan had asked him to follow him into the woods, and like _an idiot_, he agreed. "I'm here because you asked me to be."

"That's not what I meant. Why are you here Kendall? Why are you stuck in this hell hole of a school? You don't deserve to be here."

"That's not what my family says." Kendall sniffled. Logan was digging his way into territory Kendall refused to share with anyone. But Kendall was vulnerable, and Logan could sense that.

Logan knelt down, making a spot for himself next to Kendall on the ground. He wrapped a strong arm over Kendall's shoulders, rubbing smooth circles into his skin to soothe him. "Kendall at least help me understand _you_ better. Why are you here?"

"It's a long story Logan…I really don't want to get into it." _Not now, not ever._

"And like I said earlier, I'm not going anywhere. Just let me know. I promise I won't leave you."

"Promises never last. They are always meant to be broken."

"I don't know where you come from Knight, but a promise is a promise, something that never breaks. You can trust me Kendall."

Kendall sighed, reaching up and rubbing his fingers through his hair. This wasn't what he needed to happen today. It was the last thing he ever wanted to happen.

"How about this, I tell you my story, and you tell me yours. A secret for a secret."

"But I already know why you're here. Your dad owns the place. Like father like son right?"

"No, not even close. I hate this place. I want to be a doctor, but my dad would rather I learn how to fight. He wants me to follow in his footsteps."

This information shocked Kendall, he always thought Logan loved it here. "Have you ever told him?"

"Numerous times, but he doesn't care. He's signing me up to enlist in the fall, once I turn 18. I'm scared Kendall."

"He can't force you to do that you know. You don't have to listen to him."

"But I do, and that doesn't matter. I have two months until that happens. Each day comes closer though. I barely sleep anymore. I stay up until at least 3 in the morning every night, reading through medical journals. I'd rather save a life than take a life."

"Maybe you won't ever get chosen. There's always the possibility they won't pick you."

"I really hope you're right Kendall. I really do."

"I hope so too." Kendall turned his head to face Logan, their noses only inches away from touching. Kendall gulped, wanting nothing more than to grab Logan's face in his hands and kiss him. To tangle his fingers through his dark hair, and make him forget the world for just a moment. But then he remembered what James had said the night before, about Logan not feeling the same way. That thought shoved all his feelings aside.

Logan let out a tiny cough, backing away from Kendall a bit. "Uhh thanks. Now it's your turn. Spill."

Kendall cleared his throat, bracing himself. _He's going to hate me after this._ "So do you want the full story, or just the reason why I'm here?"

"Full story if you don't mind."

"Okay…"

Logan kept his hand on Kendall's shoulder, squeezing it to let him know everything was alright. It may not have been much, but it finally got the boy talking.

"My parents fought a lot. Ever since I was five my dad would always tell me that everything was fine until I came along. That I fucked everything up between him and mom. Then Katie happened. He adored Katie. She was the perfect child in his eyes. But having her around never took time out of him telling me how much of a worthless piece of shit I was."

"Oh Kendall, I never would have guessed that."

"No one really knows about this. But anyways, when you're a kid and you're told the same damn thing over and over and _over_ again, you start to believe it. So I did." Logan gasped, but Kendall only continued on, knowing there was no stopping now. He had to finish it.

"I started acting out, taking baby steps and easing myself into all this shit. I never tried to prove my dad wrong. Why should I have bothered when he moved out when Katie was only 3? So I hit middle school, all the new people, new faces. You knew right from the beginning who to hang out with and who not to. You can only guess which side I chose."

"Yeah it's a little obvious. But you're not like that Kendall. You're just a big softy." _I still hope you think that when I'm finished. You're going to hate me._

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not."

"But you are."

"Just let me finish okay, then you can make your decision."

"Okay." Logan made a show of zipping his lips, giving Kendall his full undivided attention.

"Things started out rough. First I'd hang out with friends later and later each night. My mom worried about me, but I ignored her and Katie, I just figured they never wanted me around. Soon I wouldn't come home at all. We would stay out doing stupid shit, vandalism the most productive of our nightly raids. Once high school came everything just sort of fell apart." Kendall took a deep breath, urging himself to continue.

"What's it like to go to a real high school?"

"I'm not one to ask, I wasn't a normal kid. I rarely ever went to class, and when I did it wouldn't be until the afternoon, so that I could sleep through the morning. I'd stay out late, hitting up parties with the guys. I'd end up with a different girl every night, sometimes two girls in one. They were just a fun way to get off. As soon as I'd finish with one I'd kick them to the curb, no emotions attached."

"You must have been a real heart breaker."

"I don't doubt some wanted more from me, but who was I to give them that? Why let some poor girl end up with a fuck up like me? Plus they never gave me what I needed. They were just a good fuck and nothing else. It took me until I was 16 to realize I wasn't attracted to girls in that way, and that made me hate myself and everything I was."

"You shouldn't hate yourself for who you are Kendall."

"I know that now, or at least, I'm still trying to figure everything out. Either way, as soon as I learned this little fact about myself, I gave into things I shouldn't have done, things I shouldn't keep doing."

"Dammit Kendall just tell me what the hell you did, you're freaking me out!" Logan stood up, pacing the ground and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Kendall watched him walk back and forth, cursing himself for ever starting this conversation. He could already tell Logan was beginning to hate him more and more.

"It was really stupid and let me just tell you now how much I regret it and how much I wish it never happened. Me and my buddies left a party early one night, and since it was my car I had to drive. Well my mind wasn't exactly in the right place if you know what I mean. On the way home, I ran a red light and crashed into a family who was driving home from the movies." Kendall paused, looking up at Logan with worried eyes, but his face showed no emotion, only emptiness. "Don't worry, everyone ended up okay, there were no serious injuries, maybe a broken arm here and there, but besides for that everyone seemed alright. The cops took me home after a few hours in a jail cell. The next day I landed myself in here." Kendall stopped talking. Wishing he could take everything he had said back. If Logan hated him it was for the best. Maybe it was time to move onto James, even if he wasn't what Kendall wanted.

* * *

It felt like hours passed. The day was coming to an end, the woods getting darker around them as they sat there in silence. Logan was still unable to say anything, being at a loss for words. He never would have imagined everything Kendall had told him being true. Never in a million years would he have realized Kendall was such a disaster. Finally after about an hour, Kendall broke the silence.

"You hate me now, don't you? It's okay if you do, I hate myself too."

"I don't hate you Kendall. I could never hate you. I just never expected all that. And I thought I had it bad."

"Yeah, no offense, but I say I win when it comes to fucked up lives."

"You do. And I'm sorry about that."

"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. It was all meant to be."

Logan shook his head, Kendall didn't deserve to live with what he's been through. "Kendall nothing like that is meant to be. You've been handed a rough life. But promise me you'll never do that again. Never put you, or anyone else in danger like that. Promise me Kendall."

"I don't believe in promises, remember?"

"Well believe in this one, because I'm not leaving here until you agree with me."

"Fine. I promise I'll never do it again. I already regret it too much Logan. I don't think I'm that much of an idiot."

"I'd hope not. And you're not an idiot Kendall, you're just confused."

"Yeah, you're right. And you and James and everything else this stupid school is giving me isn't making anything easier."

"Wait, me? How do I confuse you?"

Kendall turned away from Logan then, unable to look him in the eye. "It's nothing really. I just can't seem to peg you for what you are."

"I'm just me, stuck in the wrong place."

"Join the club bud."

"I will." Logan grew silent after that, leaning against Kendall and resting his head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, not wanting this moment to end. For the first time he felt closer to Kendall than he could have ever imagined.

"Hey Logan?"

"Yeah Kendall?"

"If you enlist I enlist."

Logan's breath caught in his throat. Those were the last words he ever expected to escape Kendall's lips. The lips he desperately craved to surrender to. But he knew better than to do so, not wanting to scare him away.

"Kendall, you don't have to do that."

"But I do. We haven't known each other very long, but I feel closer to you than any of my closest friends back home. Where you go I go. Looks like you're stuck with me for a while, whether you like it or not." Kendall lifted his shoulder, causing Logan to lift up his head. Glancing over, Kendall looked at Logan and smiled. Logan was in a daze, caught in a trance by those green eyes that stared back into his own. Logan hoped Kendall meant what he said. He didn't know what he'd do without him.

"You're good to have around Kendall. I'm almost glad you came here."

"I'm almost glad I came here too, maybe if it were under different circumstances I'd appreciate it more."

"Well if makes it any better, I'm not letting you go." Logan wrapped an arm around Kendall's waist, hugging him closer to his body. Kendall snuggled up close into him, his long frame curling up to Logan's smaller stature.

"I hope you mean that, Logan. I really hope you do."

"I don't only mean it, I promise it."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: I do not own the rights to Big Time Rush. Just thought you all should know, of course. I realize this chapter isn't too long, but school's finally out so I'll be able to update more and faster hopefully. I hope this chapter isn't too terrible. Oh and I'd just like to say I do not promote self-harm at all. I realize Kendall has a bit of an issue and I've never written about a character doing what he does before, I just thought it necessary for the story line. Anyways I'll stop blabbering on and let you get to reading!

* * *

Kendall was barely able to walk through the door without being pounced on. James fired off questions left and right, demanding answers. He'd noticed Logan's and Kendall's absence all day long. After the previous night it hurt James to see Kendall crawl back to Logan. He finally thought he'd gotten him.

"So how's the army brat?"

"What?"

"You know, Logan? How is he?"

Kendall shoved his hands deep in his pockets, letting out a deep breath. "He's good."

"How good? As good as I am?"

"God James I'm not getting into this with you."

"Get into what? I'm honestly curious. Does he dig deep past that rough exterior of yours and make you moan? Do you tremble at his touch just like you do for me?"

"It's not like that between us James."

"But you wish it was." The room turned silent. Kendall's gaze strayed away from James, taking interest in the mundane wallpaper. James took a step closer, Kendall mirroring him and taking one step back. Kendall's back hit the door, and James snickered as he caged him in. With another step, James' foot nudged Kendall's.

"What are you doing?"

"Something I've been waiting to do all day." One last move of his foot brought James so close his nose skimmed over Kendall's. Tilting his head he leaned in and brushed Kendall's lips against his. Automatically Kendal opened his mouth, brandishing his tongue on James. He tangled his fingers in James' hair, tugging and pulling and listening as James let go soft moans from the back of his throat. The sound only encouraged Kendall as he held on tighter to James' brown locks.

"James." Kendall mumbled, but was barely heard over their deep breathing. James slid his hand down Kendall's chest, stopping at his waist and pulling him closer. James felt Kendall's arousal on his thigh, smiling into the kiss at the thought of being able to drive Kendall so wild.

All thoughts erased from Kendall's mind as James attached his mouth to his neck. He bit and he sucked Kendall's skin raw. All Kendall could think of was that he wanted more. He needed more of everything James could give him. Kiss him until he couldn't breathe and touch him until his skin burned. The crazed desire ate at Kendall from the inside out. "James." Kendall moaned again this time with hungrier affection.

James lifted his hands and tugged on Kendall's shirt, pulling him backwards until the back of his knees hit his bed. James leaned back and pulled Kendall on top of him, Kendall falling willingly.

"Too much clothes." There's too many clothes." James wrapped his arms around Kendall's back and traveled them down, reaching the hem of his shirt. Kendall lifted himself up, helping himself out of his shirt. "So fucking hot." James mumbled, assaulting Kendall's shoulder with his mouth and sucking hard, leaving a bruise in its place.

It felt so good, so fucking good to Kendall; but something kept telling him it was wrong. He mentally blocked away the thought, digging his fingers through James' hair and moaning as James marked his skin. It felt too good to stop.

Kendall released James' hair and slipped his hands under his shirt. He traced the contoured muscles of his abs, desperately needing the view of his body. Kendall tugged off James' shirt and admired the beauty that was James Diamond. His body looked as if it were carved from stone, so perfect, so chiseled, so tan, so fucking delectable. James smiled at Kendall's reaction. "Like what you see?" Kendall just nodded in response, licking his lips as James' muscles flexed from even the simplest of movements.

Kendall pressed his lips against James' chest, dragging his tongue over his skin and teasing his nipples. James dug his fingers in Kendall's hair, pulling hard on the blonde locks, getting off on hearing Kendall's moans. "Roll over." James muttered, pinning Kendall down to the sheets and kissing his way down his pale torso. This time when he reached his pants Kendall didn't object as James undid the button and tugged his pants and boxers down and dropping them to the floor. James straddled Kendall's ankles and bent forward, touching his lips to the tip of Kendall's dick, feeling it twitch beneath him. Kendall let out a strangled moan and James basked in the thought of Kendall losing all control with him.

"James…fuck James please." Kendall gasped through rattled breaths. He gripped onto James' hair and pushed his head down. Wet velvet took him in and Kendall could barely breathe it felt so good. James' tongue worked like magic, licking and twisting its way around his shaft and over his head. _Fuck fuck fuck…holy fuck. _"James faster."

James obliged, bobbing his head up and down, stroking what he couldn't reach of Kendall's dick with his hand. He felt Kendall shudder beneath him, close to release. "James…James I'm gonna..I'm gonna…" but Kendall never finished before going over the edge. James took it all and swallowed, licking his lips before kissing his way back up Kendall's body. He rested his lips against Kendall's neck and sucked tenderly on the already marked skin.

Kendall tugged on James hair, pulling him up and staring deep into those hazel eyes that made him forget the world. "James thanks."

"There's no need for that." James smiled slightly, "I wanted to do it." Kendall pulled James to him, kissing him passionately, dancing his tongue deep into James' mouth and dominating his very being. Kendall snaked his hand down the front of James' body, undoing his belt and sliding his hand down James' pants. James gasped when Kendall took hold of him, surrounding him in warmth. Kendall's grip was tight as he moved his hand agonizingly slow, but James wasn't going to complain. It felt so good, so much better than his own hand. "Fuck Kendall."

Kendall just chuckled and moved his hand faster over the loose skin, rubbing his thumb over James' tip each time his hand moved up. James let go of everything he had, muttering a string of curse words and Kendall's name all mixed into one was he came. Kendall ran his other hand through James's damp hair, tugging on it to increase James' pleasure.

"Damn Knight."

"I know I know, I'm good at what I do."

"You're such a cocky son of bitch."

"And you love it."

"Maybe." James laughed and pecked Kendall's lips, pulling off of him and standing up. "I'm gonna shower. Don't fall asleep until I come back."

"I promise I won't." Kendall smiled and reached for his boxers, pulling them back on and lying on James' bed, snuggling the pillow into his chest and thinking about how good James made him feel. Maybe Logan wasn't the one he needed after all.

* * *

Logan felt sick to his stomach. Following Kendall back that night was the worst decision he could have made. He knew he should have walked away at the sight of their kiss, but Logan couldn't bring himself to look away. Instead he watched everything unfold through the window, thankful it was dark out so that he couldn't be seen. _No Kendall. No what are you doing? Fucking James._ Logan felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He walked back to his own room as the tears fell silently down his cheeks. There had to be some way to break up James and Kendall…the only question was how?

* * *

Kendall walked into first hour the next morning, and all the wind got knocked out of him when he saw Logan. Kendall deliberately avoided the cafeteria this morning, for fear of seeing the raven haired boy. But when Logan looked up at Kendall he flashed him his favorite sideways smile. Kendall's heart hammered in his chest. _He doesn't know. He thinks everything's fine. Everything's going to be okay. Fuck why did I do that with James? Why when I have everything I need right in front of me? _ Kendall felt unbelievably guilty. He was glad he skipped breakfast, anything he would've eaten would have come up in that moment. Looking at Logan made him feel sick.

"You okay Knight? You look a little green."

Kendall swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?"

"Oh nothing." There was that sideways smile again. Kendall wanted to punch himself.

"No there's definitely something. You're never this happy in the morning."

"You'll see later Kendall."

"What do you mean?"

"I just have a little surprise for you." Logan was being so cute and adorable, all excited and Kendall couldn't take it anymore. He turned on his heels and fled for the bathroom, letting go of all he had in his stomach. Everything he had done with James the night before made him sick. There was no way he would ever do it again. No matter how much James would beg and plead. Kendall was done with him.

"Kendall?" _Logan._

"Just give me a second." With one last spit Kendall wiped his mouth and flushed, walking out of the stall with sweat slicked hair stuck to his forehead.

"You're not okay Kendall."

"I just…I just. I can't be around you Logan."

"What?" The color drained from Logan's face.

"I-I fooled around with James last night." _Word vomit. _Kendall wished so desperately to take back his words, but they hung in the air between them. The only thing that confused Kendall was that Logan just smiled.

"I know."

"You know?"

"I followed you home last night."

"Oh…and you're not…upset?"

"I was. But I'm not anymore. I've got it all under control."

"But, but how Logan?"

"You'll see later. What's wrong with you?"

"I regret it."

"Regret James?"

"Yeah, Logan, I do."

"But why Kendall? It looked like you were enjoying it last night." Logan hung his head low, remembering the show last night. It still hurt to think about it, but it felt good to know it'd never happen again.

"I just, I feel like I…"

"Like you what Kendall? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know I didn't."

"Then why are you freaking out?"

"I can't tell you Logan. Come on let's go back to class." Logan gave Kendall a quizzical look, surrendering and following Kendall back.

Through the lesson Kendall could feel a pair of eyes on him; the chocolaty brown eyes that melted his heart whenever he looked into them. Kendall could feel himself being scrutinized by Logan's gaze, but he tried to push the thought away, focusing on Mrs. Slate and her discussion of _Wuthering Heights_. The debate revolved around Catherine being caught in a love triangle between Heathcliff and Edgar. Edgar was good for her, always there when she needed him, but Heathcliff had that edge about him that Catherine couldn't seem to resist. They had a history together, and she was head over heels in love. Heathcliff and Edgar, Edgar and Heathcliff. The choice of the two struck Kendall as ironic. He was stuck in the same situation, with no way to escape.

Once the bell rang signaling the end of class, Kendall wrapped up his belongings and filed out of class, Logan close on his heels.

"So, should I call you Catherine from now on?"

Kendall chuckled. "No, I'm not a girl."

"Kendall's a girly name."

"So I realize."

"Anyways, if you're Catherine can I be your Heathcliff?"

Logan's blunt question caused Kendall to stop in his tracks. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Logan we're not…I didn't think…"

"You didn't think what?"

"What do you mean, be my Heathcliff?"

"I can see it in your eyes Kendall. You can't deny the truth that there's something between us."

"Wait, you feel it too?"

"Of course I do. That's why I'm your Heathcliff. I'm the one you can't live without."

"You don't know that Logan. You don't know how I feel for James." Logan's face fell, and his cheeks turned red. He grabbed onto Kendall's wrist and pulled him with him into the nearest empty classroom.

"I know that you regret him Kendall."

"That doesn't mean I don't regret you either. I never wanted to come here. I never wanted to feel so many emotions at once. I feel like I'm being tugged in ten different directions and I can't control any of them."

"Kendall…" Logan whispered, moving closer to him and holding his hand tightly between his fingers.

"Like this! Right here Logan! When I'm alone with you, everything is perfect and I never want to leave."

"You don't have to." Logan leaned in even closer, touching his lips to Kendall's ear. "We are perfect."

"But we're not! Everything I do with you hurts James, and everything I do with James kills me afterwards. I don't know what to do." Kendall's breath quickened and his heart raced. This was all too much for him to handle. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Kendall breathe." Logan demanded, squeezing Kendall's hand and urging the boy to calm down. "Just give it time. It will all play out the way it's supposed to."

"But what if it doesn't play out the way I want it to?"

"That's life." The look on Kendall's face told Logan all he needed to know. Losing what Kendall wanted most would kill him now. And Kendall knew what he wanted most. He wanted his Heathcliff.

"Life sucks."

"Tell me about it. Now let's get to class. If we miss two days in a row my father will have an outrage."

"Oh God, okay."

The next few classes went by as normal. Kendall snuck glances at Logan whenever he had the chance, and Kendall was surprised to see Logan watching him in return. That usually never happened.

During both lunch and dinner James sat with Kendall and gave him company. Kendall acted off, avoiding James. After a while James had finally had enough.

"Okay what is going on with you?"

"Nothing. I've just got a lot on my mind." Kendall toyed with the food in front of him, taking bites here and there but not eating much.

"Come on Kendall what is it?"

"Nothing James." Kendall growled, frustrated with everyone acting like they cared about him.

"Goddammit is it Logan? Again?"

Kendall just stared at his food. Anything he said now would just hurt James.

"Kendall I already told you before, he has no interest in you."

"You're wrong."

"Oh really? Prove it. What has he done that's so special?"

Kendall thought for a moment, stuck in a lost thought. What had Logan done? Sure they'd had their moments but Logan never really made a move. Disregarding the whole Heathcliff situation, Kendall was sure Logan only acted this way because of James. Ever since James arrived Logan's become closer to Kendall, and made him feel like he actually mattered to Logan.

"I don't know James, he's just different."

"Different how?"

Kendall was silent. He had no answer to James' question. Everything about Logan was still a mystery to him, there was still so much he didn't understand. So Kendall just shrugged.

"Okay, then at least answer me this. Why am I not enough for you?" The pain behind James' words was palpable.

Kendall sighed and reached across the table for James' hand. "It's not that you aren't James. You're just not…" Kendall lifted his gaze over to Logan's table, where Logan sat staring daggers over at them. Confused, Kendall looked down at his and James' hands and quickly pulled away.

"Whatever Kendall. I'm not giving up that easily. Just wait until tonight. You won't be able to keep your hands off me."

"You're so full of it."

"You like that. You can't resist me."

"Yes I can. And I'll prove it tonight." James smiled. "It's a date."

"It is not a date."

"Whatever you say Kendall, just give me five minutes with you, and I'll have you begging for me."

"No you won't." Kendall shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You'll want me touch you, to kiss you, to come for you."

"James stop." Kendall's cheeks were flaming red and his jeans were straining against his crotch.

"One stroke of my hand and you'll be done." James imitated jacking off and Kendall couldn't handle it any longer. He stood up, holding his notebook in front of his waist and shoving his garbage in the trash. "See you tonight Kendall!" James shouted through the cafeteria. Kendall could hear his laugh as he passed through the doors outside. Bathroom. He needed to find a bathroom.

Glad that classes were over for the day, Kendall strutted over to his building. Unlocking the door to his room he grabbed his bag and followed suit into the bathroom. Stripping down to nothing, he stepped into the shower and grabbed himself in his hands, his dick already hard and twitching to be stroked. Kendall used the pace he was used to, biting down on his lip and thinking of the first thing that made him hot, _Logan._ _Of course, fucking Logan. Damn does he ever leave my fucking mind anymore?_ Kendall continued to tug on the loose skin, his breath coming out in rasps as he came closer to the edge. He thought of that first night, Logan's bare torso as he climbed out of the lake. He was so gorgeous then, and still was now. That image brought Kendall over, releasing what James had started. Kendall leaned his forehead against the glass and sighed. What the fuck was he supposed to do about James?

Turning off the water, Kendall stepped out and reached into the compartment of his bag he unzipped too much. "Not again." He whispered, clutching the razor in his hand. Just as he was about to make contact, he pulled away, stopping himself. "It's not worth it. It's never worth it." Kendall dropped the razor back into this bag and tucked a towel around his waist. Wiping his hand over the clouded mirror Kendall scrutinized his appearance. His wet hair that fell in tufts over his forehead and the dimples that showed even when he wasn't smile. Kendall shook his head, laughing at how James would jump his bones as soon as he walked on the other side of the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: So hopefully this next part doesn't disappoint. You can always let me know if it does, I love criticism, good or bad. And if any of you are interested I'll be starting a new fic soon, but I'll still continue to keep up with this as well. I hope you all like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Big Time Rush or any of the characters in this story.

* * *

"You're not James." Kendall muttered, dead in his tracks at the sight of Logan sitting on the bed claimed rightfully as James'.

"And you're not as stupid as you look." Logan said with a smile, leaning back against the pillows and resting his arms behind his head.

"Hey I resent that."

"Don't get your towel in a bunch I was kidding." At the mention of the towel, Logan let his gaze linger over Kendall's exposed body, where water droplets still glistened on his skin from the shower. _Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?_

Kendall glanced down at himself, taking a few more steps into the room. Setting his bag down on his bed he pulled out some boxers, sneaking them on with the towel still tied around his waist. After dropping the towel to the floor, he pulled a loose T-shirt on over his head and sat down on the creaky mattress of his bed, staring thoughtfully at Logan. "What are you doing here? Where's James?"

"James got requested for a room exchange. When I heard about the news I asked my dad if I could replace him as your roommate."

"Hold up, James requested to be separated from me?" Kendall gave Logan a quizzical look, that was the last thing Kendall ever expected James would do.

A blushed creeped to Logan's cheeks at a failed attempt to hide a giggle. Logan was nervous, and that could only mean one thing.

"It was you." Kendall gasped.

"M-me? What did I do?" Logan's gaze shifted from side to side, looking anywhere but at Kendall directly.

"You know what I mean. You! You set this up! This was all your idea."

Logan figured there was no point in lying, so he surrendered. "You caught me."

"But why? Why did you switch with James? Oh my God Logan I bed James is freaking out right now!"

"Kendall calm down, he's not your problem anymore. And anyways the fucker should have saw this coming after the first night we met."

Kendall looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Logan shied away from answering; he didn't feel like sharing his first conversation with James to Kendall. Kendall just sat there, dissecting Logan's expression. He knew there was something Logan was holding back, and it was eating him up inside not knowing. "Logan. What do you mean he should've saw this coming?"

"It's nothing Kendall. You really don't need to worry about it."

"Does it involve me?"

Logan averted Kendall's gaze yet again and shifted positions on his bed. Kendall took that as a yes.

"Dammit Logan you can tell me."

"It's really not that big of a deal."

"Okay, then it shouldn't be a big deal for you to let me know."

Logan grunted and sat up. He swung his legs around the edge of the bed and leaned his elbows on his knees. Kendall was only a few feet away from him, mirroring Logan and sitting just as he did.

"Come on Logan. What did you and James say about me that first day?"

Sighing, Logan opened his mouth to speak. "Don't hate me for this okay? I just kind of told James to stay away from you. I told him he'd regret anything if he ever touched you. And after last night, this was the only plan of revenge that didn't involve ripping James apart."

Kendall sat with a shocked expression. Then after a minute of hearing Logan's speech, the boy laughed. Kendall leaned back on his bed, hugging his stomach and just let it all out.

Logan never understood Kendall. Watching him with a confused expression, Logan wanted to be upset for Kendall's outburst, but instead found himself smiling at the ridiculous blonde boy. Kendall's laugh was infectious. It was obnoxious and adorable. Logan couldn't help but laugh awkwardly along with Kendall, stopping shortly after he did.

"What's so funny?" Kendall asked breathlessly.

"Just you. But never mind me, why were you laughing? I was being serious."

"I'm just…I'm just shocked about everything. You cease to amaze me Logan Mitchell."

"Okay, but how? Explain please."

Kendall chuckled. "Okay, but you're gonna laugh."

"Try me."

"Well it's just funny. All along you were threatening James and questioning me about him, when I thought it was him you were interested in. I thought you were jealous of me because I had him and you didn't."

Logan didn't laugh, only sat there and stared. "Kendall, you don't know how wrong you are."

"Okay…but explain something to me. Why didn't you just have James move? Why did you give up your own room all by yourself for him?"

"I didn't do it for him, I did it for you…and me."

"You did it for us?" Kendall asked quietly, watching as Logan nodded. "But…but is there even an us?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Logan!" Kendall stood up and paced the room in agitation. Sometimes Logan could be blind to everything around him.

"Woah, calm down there. I'm serious though, what do you mean about there being an us? I mean, we are friends right?"

"Friends…yeah, that's what I meant." Kendall said in a deflated tone.

Logan leaned forward farther, with his elbows on his knees and raised his hands. He rubbed his face in his hands and sighed. _Friends_. He needed so much more than friendship from Kendall. Without Kendall he was nothing. Before Kendall ever came to this school Logan had been lost. Each moment with Kendall he found himself a little more. So why couldn't he just open up to Kendall explain how he felt?

Logan felt a hand grab his shoulder. He looked up into Kendall's striking green eyes so close to his face.

"You alright there?"

"Y-yeah I'm fine. I'm just tired, it's been a long day after all."

"It has." Kendall walked back over to his bed and flipped the switch to the light off. Logan snuck under his covers and yawned.

"Good night Kendall."

"Night Logan."

* * *

The next week went by as normal with nothing new happening. To Kendall's dismay, Logan continued to avoid him in the cafeteria, and barely spoke to him throughout their classes together. James still kept Kendall company at mealtimes, always complaining about how he missed their room together. James always found some way to touch Kendall when he was with him. Even by the slight of the hand, or a simple brush to Kendall's cheek with his fingertips. Kendall loved the attention, but not who it came from.

"Kendall you're tense. What's going on?"

"I'm not tense, I'm just disappointed James."

"With the army brat? Come on just request another room change. I miss you Kendall."

"I know you do, and I'm sorry. I finally thought something was going to happen. He deemed himself my Heathcliff for fuck's sake!"

"Your Heathcliff?"

"_Wuthering Heights_ reference. Anyways, now he barely talks to me or even glances in my direction and I have no idea what I did wrong. What do I do?" Kendall sighed, pushing his tray of food away from him and burying his head in his arms. James pat Kendall's head softly with one hand, the other feeding himself fries.

"Kendall, as much as it pains me to say this, and trust me it's killing me, but try talking to him. Better yet, make a move."

Kendall lifted his face to look at James. "I can't just walk up to him and grab his face in my hands and kiss him James." Kendall pictured just that happening. His heart ached for the closeness he craved from Logan. Kendall could only imagine how those soft pink lips would feel against his own. How it would feel to tangle his fingers in Logan's hair and hear him groan. Kendall wanted to see those chocolaty brown eyes full of lust and desire.

"Kendall…KENDALL!" James shouted, breaking Kendall from his trance. "Now that you're back to earth, I never said you had to do that! Actually…you could try…"

"Try what? Try what? Come on James I'm desperate!"

James chuckled. "I can't believe I'm even helping you with this. Okay Logan obviously likes you right?"

Kendall had no answer, he only shrugged. "Well let's just say in this case he does. Make him want you Kendall."

"What do you mean? I'm not that appealing of a guy to begin with. How can I just make someone want me?"

"Kendall, tease him. Walk around your room without a shirt on. Bite your lips when you talk to him. Smolder him with those mesmerizing eyes of yours. Maybe try sex sounds when he's around. That couldn't hurt right?"

Kendall snorted. "Sex sounds?"

"Moan, whimper, groan; just try anything that could be taken as erotic."

"Like this?" Kendall let out a light moan, taking pride in James' reaction.

James closed his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, just like that. Only save it for Logan okay? Please don't give me another reason to want you back and fuck you in this cafeteria if I have to."

"Hmm…kinky. Maybe that would make Logan jealous?"

"No Kendall I was kidding. Dammit you really want him don't you?"

"More than anything James." Kendall leaned his elbow on the table and rested his cheek in his hand, watching Logan from across the cafeteria.

"Okay okay, cool yourself Knight. Plus I'm still here, at least try and acknowledge my presence alright?"

Kendall shook his head and looked back at James. "Sorry. You know, we should try finding you someone. I bet it'd make you a lot less bitter."

"I am not bitter." James huffed, pushing his empty tray down the table and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Please, you are the definition of bitter…and horny."

James uncrossed his arms and shoved Kendall's shoulder from across the table. "Hey I thought you liked that about me."

"Don't flatter yourself. Now come on, there has to be someone else you're interested in, besides for me of course."

"Full of it much? And I guess there is one guy…" James gaze slipped from Kendall's, taking an odd interest in the markings on the table between them. Kendall let out a squeal and clapped his hands together.

"I knew it! Who? Who is it James? Come on let me know I could help you out! Please please please?"

"Oh my God you're crazy Kendall, calm the fuck down before someone notices you squealing like a little girl."

"I am not a girl."

James rolled his eyes. "Sure you're not. I can just imagine it now. Logan would own you in bed. You'd be the girl, moaning and whimpering as he gave it to you hard." James noticed Kendall's expression soften as a goofy grin appeared on his face. "Might I have just mentioned a fantasy?"

"Maybe…but we're not discussing me anymore! Who is the guy?"

"I don't think you know him Kendall, he's in all my classes, which you and I don't share."

"Damn. Sooner or later I'll worm it out of you Diamond." Kendall glanced around the cafeteria, watching as the amount of people in the room thinned out, leaving only a few tables still occupied. Kendall sighed, catching a glimpse of Logan exiting the building, heading in the opposite direction of their housing edifice. "I gotta go James, I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah okay, have fun seducing Logan, you horn dog."

Kendall let out a chuckle. "Oh, I will." He raised his eyebrows at James, the tables in his mind already churning at ways to get under Logan's thick skin. With a wave he left, following Logan's retreating figure out the door.

Kendall followed Logan down the usual trail, leading to the lake. Kendall was curious as to why Logan was escaping, when the raven haired boy could have just simply gone back to their room.

"Hey Logan, wait up!" Kendall yelled after him, making his presence known.

"Ahh Kendall, and to what do I owe this pleasure?" Logan asked, turning on his heel.

"Uhh…I saw you leave. Why did you come here?"

"I needed to think." Logan uttered. Kendall could tell the boy was disgruntled. "I needed to think _alone_, Kendall."

"Just pretend I'm not even here. Pretend I'm a tree." Kendall chuckled and motioned the hundreds of trees surrounding them. He stepped back into the shadows and watched Logan. Logan's eyebrows scrunched up and his lips pouted out. Kendall adored observing him. The face he had when he was thinking took Kendall's breath away. It took all of his willpower not to kiss Logan at that moment.

"What are you staring at?" Logan finally said, removing Kendall from his trance.

"Nothing…"

"Okay, well you can quit drooling now."

"Logan what the fuck is your problem?" Kendall yelled, stepping closer to Logan and invading his personal space.

"You. You're my problem. What the fuck are you doing here Kendall? Seriously just leave me alone." Logan walked closer to the edge of the lake, leaving Kendall in his wake. Kendall was in shock. He considered leaving, but he thought against it.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Tell me why. And don't give me some bullshit that you want to be alone. Logan we have barely talked in days. Just tell me what's wrong okay." Kendall took a few steps closer, yet still kept his distance from Logan. He didn't want to set him off any more than he already had.

"But I can't tell you. Out of everyone I know, you're the one person I _can't_ tell."

The hurt was written across Kendall's face. Could Logan no longer trust him? Even after all their conversations and promises made to each other, Logan couldn't muster up the ability to tell Kendall what was wrong?

"Oh." Kendall sighed dejectedly. "I guess I will just leave you be then."

Kendall heard Logan mutter a quiet, "Finally," before making his way back to their room with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped.

* * *

_Finally some peace and quiet_. Logan enjoyed being on his own. It was what he was best at. He could hole himself up in his room and study, but now that he shared a room with Kendall, he felt as if he had no space to think. Logan took a seat on the grass and just thought, watching the water of the lake sparkle from the light of the setting sun. He never even heard the footsteps approach him from behind.

"Logan?" the familiar voice called. Logan turned his head and was astonished to find himself looking up into the hazel eyes of James. James was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.

"Yes?" Logan asked, his tone sour and bitter.

"Would you care to explain why I just watch Kendall walk away from you as if his world was falling apart?"

"He what?"

"What did you do to him? He was so excited to finally come and talk to you, and what you just shove him away? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Logan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. _Oh shit._ "I just…I just…" He was at a loss for words. "I don't know James."

"You know, for a smart guy, you're an idiot."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ugh Kendall is going to kill me for this. He's crazy about you. He's been obsessing over you all week, all happy and excited that he finally gets to wake up and see first thing in the morning. He watches you sleep dude."

Logan's jaw dropped, but only slightly. How did he not see this? Sure he thought Kendall might have had crush on him, but he never expected his feelings to be so strong, and to mirror his own. Logan wanted to bash his head against a tree. How could he have been so fucking stupid? "Are you serious James? Or are you just doing this for your own sick and twisted amusement?"

"Hey, I'm not that fucked up. But I'm completely serious. I wouldn't even be surprised if you were the one he thought of when I went down on him." James paused, wishing the words would come back. Logan just shrugged them off, having watched the scene by first account through the window. "Oh, and sorry about that, I just have a weak spot when it comes to him."

"You're telling me. James what do I do? I can't just tell him everything he wants to know. I've been dying these past few days. Don't get me wrong it's amazing being able to be in such close proximity to Kendall, but it's driving me insane. All I want to do is hold him and kiss him and…and I can't do that."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because you were always an issue. You had him first."

"Yeah but I wasn't the one he wanted. You were Logan." James sighed and held out a hand for Logan to grab. Logan reached out for James willingly, thankful to James for helping him to his feet.

"So…what do I do now?"

"First off, apologize to him. It's all your fault he's probably sulking away in your room. And then once that's over, just go for it. You'll love it, he'll love it, and you can finally both pull your heads out your asses to realize that you're meant to be together."

Logan took James' words into careful consideration. On a whim Logan pulled the beautiful boy in for rib crushing hug, thanking him over and over again.

"By this time tomorrow you better have kissed him dammit!" James called after Logan as he practically sprinted back to his room with excitement.

Logan rushed back, pushing through people and stammering out apologies. He just had to reach Kendall now, before this feeling held him back.

Logan forced open the door to his room. He was disappointed to see that it was empty and void of life. Void of Kendall. _Dammit, where is he?_ Logan flicked on the light switch and paced the room in his anxious state. He knew exactly what he would do when Kendall returned, which he hoped was soon.

Logan turned at the sound of the bathroom door creeping open. He saw Kendall in all his glory, wearing only sweatpants that hung low at his hips. Logan ran his tongue along his bottom lip and squealed a little at the sight. Kendall was beautiful. He was perfect, and he was everything Logan needed in his life. Despite Kendall's difficult past there was no one Logan would have rather been with.

Logan took the few steps that distanced him and Kendall from each other. Kendall grunted when his back hit the wall with a _thud_. Logan only chuckled at his burst of tenacity. He needed Kendall more than he ever needed anything in his life.

"Logan…" Kendall gasped from his pouty lips. It took all of Logan's ability not to stare at the lips he so desperately needed to kiss.

"I'm sorry Kendall. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for pushing you away when it was you I needed most. I'm sorry for being so blind at what has been right in front of me. I'm sorry I never did this sooner."

Logan closed the gap between him and Kendall, placing his hands on either side of Kendall's face and pulling Kendall to him. Once their lips touched Logan instantly felt like he was home. A shock surged through his body at the simple touch, and all he craved was more. He relaxed his frantically beating heart, shoving away all thoughts in his mind and kissing Kendall with all his might. Their lips fit perfectly together, as though they were made for each other. Logan couldn't help but smile at the soft moan that Kendall let go.

But Logan felt as though something was wrong. Kendall pushed on Logan's shoulders lightly, separating himself from the raven haired boy. Kendall took a few deep breaths to calm himself, before speaking. "Logan what are you doing?"

Logan took a moment to collect his bearings. In that time he noticed just how gorgeous Kendall's eyes were. They were a pale green hidden behind a cascade of dark eyelashes. Everything about Kendall was breathtakingly beautiful, and Logan wanted to do was feel those perfect lips pressed against his mouth once more.

"Like I said before, something I should have done a lot sooner Kendall."

"But why now? Why today?"

"I just couldn't stay away from any longer. Please kiss me Kendall." Logan was begging now, begging for Kendall's lips and all they could do to him.

Kendall still looked dumbstruck, but he knew not to deny something he wanted when it was being so easily given to him. "Anything for you Logan."


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Wow I actually made an update sooner than a week passing by. I hope you guys like it, and that's all I really have to say. Oh and thanks for all the wonderful reviews! You guys are so sweet!

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Big Time Rush or any characters in this story.

* * *

Kendall felt as though a ten pound brink was lifted off of his shoulders, as well as his heart. Kissing Logan was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. His lips tingled with a sensation he'd never dreamed existed. This was what he'd been searching for all along.

Kendall fell asleep with a smile spread wide across his face. With one last lick of his lips he sighed with pleasure, his lips having tasted of Logan. He brushed his fingers lightly against his mouth; Kendall's lips were plump and swollen. Kendall glanced over at Logan's bed just like he had before every night, watching Logan slumber peacefully. With the closing of his eyes Kendall fell asleep soundly, dreaming of the raven haired boy who's soft breaths he could hear from across the room.

* * *

It was too soon when Kendall felt himself being shaken to wake up. "Kendall…come on Kendall wake up."

Kendall grumbled, shoving the shaking hands off of him and burying his face into the pillow. "Five more minutes."

"But it's Saturday, we have the whole day to do whatever we want, no classes or teachers." Kendall felt warm, soft lips kiss his forehead. He squinted his eyes open, staring up into Logan's beautiful face. Kendall realized he wished to wake up like this every morning.

"Mmm so beautiful," Kendall said with a yawn.

"Okay maybe you do need a few more minutes." Logan chuckled, placing a second kiss to Kendall's lips before moving away from his bed.

"No no no no come back," Kendall held his arms out and whined. Logan lifted up an arm, reaching out for Kendall's hand and gripping his fingers tightly with Kendall's. Logan gave Kendall a lopsided smirk that took his breath away. "Please?"

Sighing Logan moved back to the side of Kendall's bed. "What do you need?"

Kendall's answer was simple, "You."

Kendall didn't miss the blush that rose on Logan's cheeks as he pulled Logan to him. "Kendall…" Logan sighed.

"Shh just like you said, it's Saturday. Relax." Kendall sat up in bed, making room for Logan to sit in his lap. Facing Logan's back Kendall reached up and grabbed hold of both Logan's shoulders. Kendall heard the deep breaths from Logan as he rubbed smooth circles with his thumbs into Logan's back.

"Mmmm."

"Is this okay?" Kendall whispered in Logan's ear, briefly dragging his lips down Logan's neck.

"It's better than okay." Logan's breaths were now coming out as quick gasps. Every touch of Kendall's lips to his skin left an aching burn on his flesh as tingles of pleasure ran down his spine.

"I'm glad we finally have the chance to do this." Kendall detached his lips from Logan's neck, moving back up to his hear and nibbling softly on his lobe.

"Mmhm me too. Oh fuck Kendall." Kendall lightly traced the shell of Logan's ear with the tip of his tongue. Kendall could feel Logan's body tremble under his hold on Logan's shoulders. Kendall had him right where he wanted him.

Kendall released Logan's shoulders from his grip and reached around Logan's neck. Tucking a finger under Logan's chin Kendall forced Logan to turn his head to the side. Kendall place a soft kiss to Logan's cheek, watching as the blush deepened on Logan's face.

Logan shifted on Kendall's bed, swinging his body around so that he could face Kendall more comfortably. Kendall gripped onto Logan's hands when he had the chance, tangling their fingers together and holding tight. He pressed their foreheads together, Kendall getting lost in Logan's deep brown eyes. They were beautiful. Kendall wanted to stay where he was forever.

Their noses lightly touched, this time Kendall feeling the heat rush to his face in anticipation. Just a tilt of his head and those pouty pink lips would be his once again. "Can I kiss you?" Kendall breathed in a barely audible whisper.

Logan sighed happily, "Please." Kendall leaned forward and brought his lips to Logan's. They were a perfect fit, moving as one together in a steady motion. With every breath the kiss deepened. Kendall parted his lips, desperately begging for Logan to do the same. Once he did Kendall inhaled deeply through his mouth, breathing in all that Logan was. His breath was minty, toothpaste perhaps? Kendall didn't care how, all he knew was that he needed to taste Logan's tongue and feel it on his lips.

A light groan escaped the back of Kendall's throat when Logan's tongue entered his mouth. His tongue tasted fresh and sweet, awakening the nerves in Kendall's mouth. Logan knew just what to do to make Kendall moan. Releasing Logan's hands from his hold Kendall dug his fingers through Logan's slightly mussed hair.

"Ahhh," Logan mumbled, slowly shoving Kendall onto his back and pressing him to the mattress. "Pull tighter," he whispered. Kendall tugged hard, relishing in the whimper Logan emitted.

Logan broke away from the kiss, trailing Kendall's jaw and neck with his lips. Logan nibbled and sucked on Kendall's skin, leaving soft purple marks that were only just visible. Logan loved the taste of Kendall's skin, it captivated him. Logan dragged his lips lower, kissing down Kendall's bare chest, listening as Kendall's soft moans provoked him down even further.

"Logan wait," Kendall breathed, just as Logan began circling his navel with his tongue. It felt so good Kendall didn't want him to stop, but he knew he had to.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, looking up at Kendall with a world of worry in his eyes.

Kendall brushed his fingers across Logan's cheek and smiled. "Nothing dear, it's just…"

"Just what?"

"Too fast." Kendall breathed.

"But…but…you let James do it."

"I know I know, and I regret that. I want to take this slow. Why rush what's already perfect?" Kendall flashed Logan a dazzling smile, instantly wiping Logan's worries away.

"This is perfect? Just kissing?"

"What can I say, I love those lips. Come back and kiss me again." Logan crawled back over Kendall, planting a sloppy kiss to Kendall's lips. It was messy, but holy fuck it was hot. Logan's tongue was everywhere Kendall needed it to be. It wasn't too long before Kendall was backing away and gasping for some much needed air.

"Wow." Logan breathed.

"I know. Thanks Logan."

Logan was confused. "For what?"

"For switching with James. It was probably the best decision you could have made."

"I'm glad I did, or we probably would have never happened." Logan grabbed hold of Kendall's hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each knuckle softly. _He's so beautiful and he's all mine_. Kendall savored the thought of Logan being his. When it came to Logan, Kendall refused to share.

"You're beautiful Logan Mitchell."

"Okay Kendall, here comes the crazy talk again."

"But you are. You intoxicate me. Those lips, those eyes, that hair, that smile, and don't even get me started on that body." Logan blushed a deep shade of scarlet. He wasn't used to receiving such compliments.

"You really mean it?"

"Of course I do dear. I'd stay in this bed all day and prove just how much I mean it, but I'm starving." At that moment Kendall's stomach gurgled.

"Mmm fuck Kendall I like the thought of staying all day in bed with you."

Kendall chuckled, "Maybe another day but seriously I'm starving." Kendall pretend shoved Logan away, sitting up and sighing when he saw the pout on Logan's face. "You're such a baby." Kendall leaned in and kissed the tip of Logan's nose before standing up and pulling a shirt on over his head. "Join me for breakfast, and you know, actually _sit_ with me?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way. But before we go…" Logan stood up and pushed Kendall against the door. He smothered Kendall with a kiss. Logan caught Kendall's bottom lip between his teeth and pulled hard, getting hard just from the sound escaping Kendall's throat.

"Oh my god Logan you're going to be the fucking death of me. Come on the sooner we eat the sooner we can be alone."

* * *

They finally left for the cafeteria after discussing the rules. No hand holding or any public displays of affection. Logan didn't need his father finding out he was hooking up with his roommate.

When they reached the cafeteria, James waved at them from his and Kendall's usually table, motioning for them to join him. After getting their food, they slid in across from James, sitting close, but not too close together.

"So?" James asked excitedly, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Why is he so excited I thought he wanted you?" Logan whispered in Kendall's ear.

"You know I can hear you right? And I have my eyes on someone new. But come on guys what happened?"

Kendall blushed, shying away from the subject and shoving a forkful of food into his mouth.

"We kissed James." Logan said with a roll of his eyes, taking a bite of food as well.

James squealed at the news. "Finally! You guys are ridiculous waiting so long, you know that?"

"Just shut up and eat your food." Kendall said.

"Aww is little Kenny embarrassed?" James asked.

"No!"

Logan reached under the table and placed a hand on Kendall's knee. "Yes you are. But don't worry its cute."

"You think so?"

"Mmhm. You're so adorable." It took all of Logan's willpower not to kiss Kendall at that moment. His eyes were shining and he was all smiles. It took Logan's breath away.

"Oh my god you guys are sickeningly cute." James pretended to gag, only causing a chorus of chuckles from Kendall and Logan. Logan couldn't help but notice the look of envy in James' eyes.

"Okay, enough about us. Who is the mystery guy?" Logan asked James, reaching for another bite of his food. He never realized before just how hungry he was.

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not? We could help you out, work our magic on this guy."

"Like I need help from the two of you. You guys could barely get yourselves together. What makes you think you could help me?"

"I don't know. I'm smart, I could find a way for it to work."

"No Logan, I'm perfectly fine by myself, but thanks for the offer." James sighed.

Logan took a few more bites of his breakfast, watching as James fiddled with the food on his plate. "Look how sad he is." Logan whispered in Kendall's ear, soft enough so he wouldn't be overheard.

"I know! We need to get him his dream guy Logan. If it weren't for him I'd still be lusting after you like a sick puppy."

"Aww, you don't still lust for me?"

"Why should I when you're all mine?" Kendall flashed Logan a killer smile. "All mine and no one else's." Kendall reached under the table and placed his hand over Logan's that rested on his knee. They linked fingers. Just the simple touch drove Logan crazy. All he wanted was to be alone with Kendall and make him feel wanted. Logan just didn't understand how to do that if Kendall wouldn't let him touch him the way James did.

Logan sighed, "I don't want to be anyone else's." Logan stared into Kendall's eyes for a few moments, memorizing every feature they had. The pale green irises and the long dark eyelashes hypnotized Logan. Kendall's eyes were all he could see.

"Guys…guys…GUYS!" James slightly yelled, forcing the two love birds out of their trance. "Oh my god you guys are ridiculous. Go get a room."

"We can't." Kendall said, shrugging his shoulders.

Logan pouted, "And why not?"

"We need to help James with his dream guy."

"No helping Kendall. I can do this all on my own."

"At least tell us his name. I promise not to interfere." Logan was shocked. Kendall didn't believe in promises.

"But…" Logan interjected, but Kendall shot him a look that silenced him. James had no idea of Kendall's fear of promises, and how they always break.

"Fine I'll tell you. But only because I need to talk about him before I explode."

"Yes!" Kendall cried.

"Shut up Knight. Okay, so his name is Carlos…and that's all I know. But he's gorgeous and adorable and ugh…he's perfect guys."

"Carlos? I don't know a Carlos. Do you know a Carlos dear?" Kendall asked.

"You call him dear? Fuck you guys are disgusting."

"Disgustingly adorable." Kendall cooed. "And don't hate just because you're jealous."

James laughed. "I am not jealous of you two weirdos."

"Yes you are. You want to hold Carlos. You want to kiss Carlos. You want to hug Carlos. You want to fuck Carlos."

"Kendall I swear to God I will fucking kill you if you say anything to him."

"Woah James calm down. Kendall won't say anything, he doesn't even know who Carlos is."

"Yeah James. Who the fuck is he? Point him out for me?" Kendall whined and begged until not James, but Logan finally gave in.

"He's that one over there." Logan pointed to the table over to their left. "He has the short black hair, caramel colored skin, and the muscular build."

"Fuck James he's hot. If you don't land him I will."

"Hell no you won't Knight."

"Umm…excuse me?" Logan cried. His nostrils flared and his eyes crossed with anger while looking over at Carlos. He never wanted to tear anyone apart before that moment.

"Just kidding dear, I wanted to see your jealous side. It's fucking hot." Kendall leaned in closer, where his lips were barely touching Logan's ear. "I really want to kiss you right now." Logan's stomach dropped. They way Kendall said it in such a rough, husky voice made it hard for him not to jump Kendall in front of the whole school. Under the table Logan let go of Kendall's hand and walked his fingers up higher on Kendall's thigh, cupping the blonde through his pants. Kendall let out a soft growl in Logan's ear. _Fuck I need him. I need him now. _

"Okay if you guys don't stop this little love fest I will leave you right now. And wait, Logan, you know Carlos?"

"Oh course I do. I know everybody." Logan pointed to himself, "Principal's son right here remember?"

"Wow fuck oh my god can you introduce me…please?" James let a sigh of longing, watching as Carlos ate his food and talked to his friends. He leaned his head in his hand and just watched. Logan couldn't help but chuckle. James was cute when he was infatuated.

"I thought you didn't want our help?"

"Ehh…I guess you can help me, but Kendall needs to stay far away."

"What the hell did I do? Why can't I help?" Kendall whined, crossing his arms over his chest. "You suck James."

"Don't forget Kendall, you happen to like it when I suck." James pushed his food tray away to his side, laughing until he caught the look on Logan's face. _If looks could kill_… "Sorry Logan, it slipped out."

"It's fine, just…ugh I hate that you had him first."

"You know, it's really hot when you guys fight over me. It's a total turn on." Kendall smirked, running a hand through his hair as if he was hot shit.

Logan shoved Kendall hard in the ribs. "We are not fighting over you. Albeit we used to. But now there is nothing to fight over since I won you over."

"Logan, you had me at hello."

"Okay, okay stop it!" James' yell caused the other table to glance over at them with confused expressions on their faces, Carlos being one of them. James instantly froze, a blush creeping up his face. Unlike him, Kendall just looked over at Carlos and waved, giving him a wide smile. Carlos lifted up a hand, puzzled by Kendall addressing him. If it was possible James turned even redder. "What are you doing?" He hissed.

"I'm just being nice."

James glimpsed back over at Carlos, making sure they were no longer the source of Carlos' attention. Taking a deep breath James spoke. "Oh my god he looked at me guys. He's so cute, especially when he is confused."

"And you say we are sickeningly cute." Logan huffed.

"Hey, don't judge me okay." James wagged a finger at Logan. "Are you guys done eating yet? We could find a better place to discuss everything…" James glanced over at Carlos. "…Plus maybe getting you two out of the eyes of the public may do some good."

"Sounds good to me, but are you going to continue talking our ears off about how cute Carlos is?" Kendall stood and grabbed his tray, dumping what he didn't eat and waiting for Logan and James near the exit. He resisted the urge to hold Logan's hand, but thought better of it and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"You have no room to complain Kendall! I had to put up with your fucking attitude all fucking week because this fucking idiot…" James pointed at Logan, "…no offense…this idiot made your life a living hell."

"You know, maybe we shouldn't help him anymore. He's such a drama queen." Logan said to Kendall as they walked out of the cafeteria, their fingers brushing against each other as they walked.

James turned around and faced the happy couple with a worried expression on his face. "You can't give up on me now! Please? I just want to be happy like you guys."

"And what he really means, is that he's horny and needs Carlos to get off on. Because he _loves_ him." Kendall sneered.

"I'm not above punching you Kendall. But seriously, Logan you know him! You've talked to him! Please? For a friend?"

Logan gave Kendall a look, he knew they both wanted to see their friend happy. "I was never going to give up on you James. I think it's really cute. Carlos is a bit of a spaz though, you know that right?"

"Yeah, it's adorable." James got this glazed look in his eyes, and his mouth spread wide in a smile. "He's always adorable."

"Okay…" Kendall raised his eyebrows high and rolled his eyes to the sky at Logan mouthing _He's crazy_. "…Well come on James let's get away from everybody and figure everything out, I want this to work out for you."

"Oh please, you just want to escape the public so you kiss your precious boyfriend."

Kendall couldn't help but hide the smile that played on his lips. The boyish blush creeping on Kendall's cheeks made Logan's heart melt. He was so precious. Logan just wanted to kiss him until his lips burned.

"Yup, I'm right." James sighed, leading the way through the woods where Logan and Kendall spent that one day all along together. "There's no one around anymore. You two can-" James stopped talking once he turned around.

Logan had Kendall pressed up against a tree. His hands slid up under the front of Kendall's shirt, taking delight in the moan Kendall released. His lips pressed against Kendall's, his tongue shoving his way into Kendall's mouth.

"You guys waste no time do you, fucking horn dogs." James spat. Logan chuckled at James' outburst, untucking his hand from Kendall's shirt and flipping him off. After waiting all morning, Logan finally had the chance to feel Kendall's lips again. James was not about to ruin that.

Kendall reached up and pulled hard on Logan's hair, tugging his head back. "I need to breathe," he gasped, placing a soft kiss to Logan's nose. "Come on let's go help out our friend. There's more where that came from later."

Logan was upset by Kendall backing off. Didn't he want to kiss him more too? He didn't want to stop kissing him. He wanted as much as he could get. It still irked him that Kendall pulled away this morning, stopping him before he could pleasure him the way James had. Logan wanted to make sure he was better than James. It killed him knowing James had Kendall first.

"Aww dear are you okay?" Kendall lifted a hand to Logan's cheek and ran his thumb over Logan's bottom lip.

"Yeah I'm fine. You just drive me crazy Kendall."

"I'm glad it works both ways dear."


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: So I changed my pen name just because I thought my old one was too I don't know I just didn't like it, but this one portrays my OTP so I guess I'll keep this for now. Sorry for taking so long I wanted to post sooner, but then Windows Down just had to premiere one Wednesday and all hell broke loose I've probably listened to it a total of 200+ times. Also I decided I should probably stop reading so much fanfic and actually write it. I'll try and respond to more reviews from now on, every one of them makes me so happy and thanks guys for sticking with this story. I also hope to begin another story soon, so keep yours eyes out for Fighting Fate. I hope this chapter isn't too terrible and I'm sorry for any mistakes I missed.

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or any of the characters in this story.

P.S.: DON'T FORGET KENDALL'S COVER GETS POSTED ON FRIDAY :D He did the A Team by Ed Sheeran I think I'm going to cry. okay happy reading!

* * *

They listened intently for the next few hours, planning and plotting how James would work up the courage to at least talk to Carlos. Logan found James' shyness adorable. He was really beginning to like the guy, no matter how jealous he was.

While in the clearing listening to James, Logan couldn't stop himself from finding a way to touch Kendall. Whether it be holding his hand or wrapping an arm around his shoulder, he needed to feel his embrace. James watched them with a jealous glint in his eyes, but at the same time he was glad he had someone else to focus his energy on.

When Logan heard Kendall's stomach growl, he realized just how much time had passed.

Kendall chuckled, "Sorry guys but I'm starving." Kendall rubbed his stomach and stood up, holding his hand out for Logan to talk, but Logan shook his head. "You're not coming?"

"I have something I need to talk to James about…_alone_. I promise we'll meet you at the table as soon as we're done. Plus I think James needs to see Carlos again before he combusts."

"Shut up Logan." James hissed, reaching out and punching Logan lightly in the gut.

"Why when you know I'm right?"

Kendall watched the exchange between his two friends with a frown on his face. He backed away from them slowly, not surprised when they didn't even realize he was gone.

* * *

Kendall blindly reached for food to put on his try while in line for lunch. He couldn't help but sigh, he missed having Logan by his side and seeing James wait for him at their table like he usually did. Grabbing a juice, he shuffled his feet off towards his table with his head hung low.

He stared at his food, mindlessly pushing around the bits of it on his plate before finally taking a break. Once the first piece of food entered his mouth he was instantly satisfied. He had forgotten how hungry he was just minutes before. Kendall placed all his attention on his food, barely realizing when someone placed a tray of food down and the table and sitting across from him.

"Hey…" the latino boy he now knew as Carlos said as he took a bite of his food. Waiting to swallow he pressed on. "Where are your friends?"

Kendall just shrugged, shoving more food into his mouth and downing it with his juice. After a few moments and noticing that Carlos wasn't leaving, he opened his mouth to speak. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know, you looked lonely. Plus you waved to me earlier, so this way I can say hi back What's your name?" Carlos smiled and Kendall melted. No wonder James had fallen so hard for this guy. His smile was breathtaking.

"Oh thanks, and my name's Kendall."

"Nice. My name's Carlos."

"I know."

Carlos was confused. "You know? How do you know?"

"My friends know who you are."

"They do? Who are your friends anyway?"

"Logan Mitchell is the one with the darker hair and the paler complexion. James Diamond is the muscular tan one."

"Yeah I know James, he has most classes with me. I had no idea who Logan was though."

"He knew who you were." Kendall said, reaching out to take a sip of his juice.

"That's weird…" Carlos muttered, pushing his practically empty tray of food away.

"Not really, his dad owns this place, he knows everybody."

"Oh okay." Carlos bit his lip and Kendall watched with a confused expression. He could tell Carlos wanted to say something, but the latino boy was holding back. He glanced up at the clock and sighed, ten minutes had passed and Logan and James still weren't there. Knowing they had been alone that long started to worry Kendall, and when he worried he tended to babble.

"Don't you think your friends miss you?"

"Nah, I haven't really known them that long, and they seem to be having fun without me." Kendall followed Carlos' gaze over to his friends table, where they were laughing about some joke one of them just told. "So how do you know James and Logan?"

"Well Logan I met my first day here. We had a bit of a rough beginning. We hated each other. Or at least he hated me." Kendall sighed at the thought. "But we quickly got over that and became friends. Then James came along, got assigned my roommate, and Logan wasn't so friendly with me for a while. I thought it was because he had a thing for James when James had an obvious attraction to me. So things spiraled out of control, then finally Logan demanded he and James switch rooms, so now we share and James got left in the dust. But now we are all strangely friends. It's weird."

"So wait. You like guys?" Carlos asked with amazement on his face.

Kendall chuckled and nodded his head. "Mmhm. But I only have eyes for one." Kendall got a dreamy look on his face, imagining being with Logan again. Then remembering him and James were still off 'talking' his moment of happiness bubbled up into anger.

"Logan?" Carlos wondered aloud.

"How did you know?"

"Just had a feeling, considering you guys now share a room and all. How did James feel about the switch? I thought he liked you?"

"He did, but he knew from the start I liked Logan more. It was only a matter of time until he realized that we weren't going to work. Now he has his eyes on someone else…."

"So you're all gay?"

"Basically, are you gay?" Kendall suddenly blurted out, eyes opening wide with shock at his sudden outburst.

Carlos just laughed. "Calm down Kendall it's okay. And yeah I am." Kendall caught the blush on Carlos' cheeks and smiled. James had a chance after all.

"Okay good." Kendall clapped his hands together, pushing his empty tray that had gone untouched for the last few minutes away.

"Good? Why do you say good?" _Fuck. Shit. _Then Kendall formed a plan in his head. James would probably kill him for it later, but right now he could care less about the idiot who was nowhere in sight.

"Oh nothing…I just know a certain tall, tan, muscular, pretty boy who has the hots for you."

"You're talking about James right?"

"Yup. He won't stop talking about you. It's kind of annoying actually."

Kendall couldn't help but notice the smile playing at Carlos' lips. "Really?" The latino's eyes were wide and hopeful.

"Carlos, don't let him know I told you. And you could use this to your advantage."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, get under his skin a bit. Tease him a little. That is if you're interested?" Kendall raised an inquiring eyebrow and smirked. Carlos was without a doubt interested in James.

"Oh I am I am! This is so sweet! Ah I can't tell him though?" Carlos pouted, causing Kendall to laugh.

"It will be more entertaining if you let him wait it out. It'd be funny."

"Wow you're a great friend Kendall. You want James to go insane don't you?"

"A little. Him and Logan are pissing me off right now."

"Oh?"

Kendall sighed, looking at the clock yet again. Twenty minutes had now passed and James and Logan were still nowhere to be seen. "It's a long story." Kendall bit his lip, giving up on waiting for his friends. "I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Okay."

"And Carlos?" Kendall asked as he stood up and reached for his empty tray of food.

"If they ever come back tell Logan I'm in our room. And tell him I don't want to talk to him."

"Are you sure Kendall?"

"I'm sure. Thanks for keeping me company Carlos." With a wave Kendall went to throw out his trash and exit the lunchroom, heading for his dorm.

* * *

"James I don't know what to do!" Logan cried once Kendall was out of earshot.

"Woah calm down, what do you mean?" James stood up and rushed to Logan's side, rubbing a soothing hand over his back.

"It's just, he won't let me do anything with him. All we do is kiss. Hell he let you get farther! Is there something wrong with me?" Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and walked out of James' grasp.

"Seriously? I thought he'd be all over you as soon as he had the chance…"

"Yeah, so did I. James, is there something wrong with me?"

James sighed. "There is nothing wrong with you. Kendall has liked you from the start, I don't know what his problem is. If he's wanted you for so long I don't understand why he wouldn't let you…you know."

"Do you think there's something wrong with him?" Logan watched as James scrunched up his face to think. He bit his lip and thought back to when Kendall had let him go down on him, but James didn't remember anything out of the ordinary.

"He seemed normal to me…we maybe a little above normal if you know what I mean." James chuckled, then stopped when he noticed the look of death Logan was aiming at him.

"I get what you mean you asshole! Ugh I just…I want to make him feel the way you made him feel."

"Logan he used me to get off. He has actual feelings for you." James muttered. Logan looked up at the taller, pretty boy and groaned.

"I'm sorry about that James."

"It's all good. Soon I'll Carlos wrapped around my finger. I mean come on, who can resist this?" James motioned to his body with a flashy smile.

"Oh my God how did Kendall survive living with you? Full of yourself much?" Logan chuckled.

"Hey, it's a classy amount of love that I feel for myself." James smiled and walked over to Logan putting an arm around his shoulder. "So what are you going to do about Kendall?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm talking to you."

"Well do you really want to, you know…go down on him?"

Logan just stood there and shrugged. "I don't know, I just want to stop feeling like I'm always competing with you. You've had him ways I haven't gotten to experience yet, and it makes me jealous."

"Maybe he just wants to take things slow Logan, have you ever thought about that? He doesn't want just a random fuck out of you."

"And I don't just want that with him. I just want more. I realize we kissed for the first time last night…but that doesn't matter James. I _need_ him."

James turned Logan around in his arms so that he was facing him. "Logan, how do you feel about Kendall?"

Logan attempted to avert his gaze from James' piercing hazel stare but to no avail. "Just like everything else involving Kendall, I don't know. All I know is that I need him about as much as I need my next breath. It's driving me fucking crazy James."

James kept quiet for a moment, soaking in everything Logan had just let out. "You've got it bad. Real bad. Fuck Logan what are you gonna do?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" Logan yelled, again walking away from James and turning his attention to pacing back and forth. "This shouldn't be this hard."

"Sometimes we can't always control our feelings Logan. Shit like this is hard."

"Tell me about it. Maybe I should just talk to him about it? Or maybe see how far things go tonight? He's got to want me like that too, right?"

"If he doesn't he's fucking crazy. But knowing Kendall, and everything he's every told me about you, then he's head over heels for you. It's kind of creepy. He watches you sleep man."

"I've watched him too…" Logan admitted with a quiet voice after stopping his pacing. "You know what, fuck it. I'll just seduce the hell out of him. Put on my Mitchell charm."

"You didn't just say that did you? Oh my god you are so gay."

"And proud of it." Logan shot James a lopsided grin. "I guess we should go find him in the cafeteria huh? I feel bad for making him eat alone for so long."

"I bet he can handle it, he's a big boy. Come on." Logan walked in step with James all the way back to the lunchroom. When they arrived together at James' and Kendall's usual table, they were shocked to see Carlos sitting there, smiling up happily at them with Kendall AWOL.

"Hey guys!" Carlos waved up at them cheerfully, Logan noticing how his gaze lingered much longer on James than himself. _Thank God now maybe I won't have to endure endless rants about Carlos anymore._

"Hi." James answered shyly, giving the peppy boy a small wave and sliding into a chair at the table.

"Hey Carlos, do you know where Kendall went?" Logan asked worriedly.

"Oh yeah, your friend went back to your guys' room. But he doesn't want to talk to you." Carlos said it as if it were no big deal, while his gaze was fixed on the brunette sitting across the table from him. Logan was pretty sure that if Logan hadn't asked his question, Carlos wouldn't even realize he was there.

"Why doesn't he want to talk to me?"

Carlos shrugged. "I don't know, he seemed really upset with you guys. I'm Carlos by the way." Carlos held his hand out across the table for James to shake, Logan watching the spectacle with wide eyes as the two boys kept their hands fully clasped together.

"I-I'm James." James said with a small smile, getting lost in Carlos' eyes. Logan rolled his eyes at the two of them. He needed to go look after Kendall and make sure everything was okay.

"Okay I'm going to go find Kendall whether he likes it or not, I'll talk to you later I guess."

"Yeah," James just smiled and waved him off with a weak hand as Logan stomped away from the table. And James had thought him and Kendall were sickeningly cute.

Logan walked back to his room with his hands dug deep into the crevices of his pockets. He racked his brain for reasons why Kendall would be avoiding him, coming up short with everything he thought of. If he didn't stop thinking about Kendall soon and all of the problems he caused Logan, Logan thought his head would explode.

Unlocking the door, Logan walked through the threshold, surprised by the empty room. Carlos had told him he came back here, right?

Shuffling his feet he walked over to his bed and flopped down face first on the mattress, he was exhausted, already spent from the day when it was only 6 in the evening. He closed his eyes for a few moments, resting them before his ears perked up and sudden sound.

For once Logan glanced around the room, his gaze landing on the bathroom door, where he could see light pooling out from beneath the cracks. Standing up and stretching, Logan made his way over to the door and knocked quietly. "Kendall?" He asked aloud.

"Argh…shit!" Kendall cried from the other side of the door.

"Kendall I'm coming in." Logan reached for the knob on the door when he head Kendall's objections.

"No Logan don't…ahh fuck!" kendall whined. Wasting no time Logan forced the bathroom door open, his eyes wide at the sight in front of him.

* * *

He was caught. When he heard the click of the door opening Kendall leaned against the counter with fear in his eyes, all the blood draining from his face. He barely acknowledged Logan's presence with him. All Kendall could feel was the mind numbing pain spreading through the top of his thigh. For the first time he had cut just a little too deep.

"Kendall!" Logan cried, rushing to the blonde's side. He watched as Logan grabbed cotton swabs and hydrogen peroxide to clean up his cut.

Kendall tried to push him away. "I'm fine Logan, just give me that!" He reached for the supplies in Logan's hands but Logan wouldn't give. Kendall was hurt and seeing him like that nearly killed Logan. Knowing that Kendall had done it to himself, well that was an entirely different story all it's own.

"Just stay still alright?" Logan poured some of the hydrogen peroxide onto a cotton ball and gently pressed it against Kendal's wound. Kendall hissed at the contact, the pain burned at first, then calmed to a light stinging sensation. His breaths returned to normal. "Better?" Logan asked. Kendall couldn't find his words, so he only nodded in reply.

"Good." Reaching for some gauze Logan wrapped Kendall's thigh carefully. When he was finished Kendall bent down hurriedly for his boxers and pulling them back on, hoping Logan hadn't noticed all the other scars marked over his thighs. Logan ushered him out of the bathroom to rest while surveying the damage. Making sure the bathroom was back in its clean and pristine condition, he stormed back into their room, furious with not only Kendall, but himself as well. He felt as though it had been his fault.

"What the fuck do you think you were doing?" He yelled at a sullen looking Kendall lying on his bed. Kendall ignored him and stared at the wall. He didn't feel like talking about what he'd done.

"Hello…earth to Kendall?" Logan stepped in front of the blonde boy, forcing him to pay him attention. When he finally saw the dead, lifeless look in Kendall's normally gleaming green eyes, Logan's anger vanished. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Logan reached out, cupping Kendall's cheek in his hand and running smooth circles across his skin with his thumb.

Kendall gulped loudly and nodded, lying to Logan. Of course he wasn't okay. He was never okay.

"Kendall you're lying to me. You're not okay. I saw the scars. How long has this been going on?" Logan asked with a worried tone.

Kendall just sat there and shrugged, he'd been doing it for as long as he could remember, maybe two years? He wasn't really sure.

"Why won't you talk to me? Say something Kendall. Anything." Logan moved to sit next to Kendall on his bed and he wrapped a comforting arm around Kendall's shoulder, his other hand placed softly in Kendall's.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Kendall you're hurting yourself. That's definitely something." Kendall remained silent after that, fidgeting the fingers held by Logan's hand. He just didn't feel like talking. He didn't feel like doing anything really.

"Fine. We don't have to talk about it. Just promise me you'll never do it again Kendall." _Promise_, _such a stupid word with no meaning behind it_.

"I don't make promises." Kendall muttered through gritted teeth.

"You made me one, remember? You said you would never put anyone else in danger, including yourself. And what you're doing, Kendall that's even worse. What if you don't just stop after one cut?"

"I can control myself. Dammit Logan it's none of your business!" Kendall yelled at him.

Logan reached up and cupped Kendall's face in his hands. "I'm making it my business. You're mine Kendall. You're my boyfriend, and what you do to yourself, not only hurts you, but kills me."

Kendall's heart stopped beating momentarily. All the air rushed from his lungs. "B-Boyfriend?"

"Well I don't just go around kissing random guys. What do you think I am a slut?" Logan chuckled, shooting Kendall his trademark lopsided grin. "Please Kendall, please promise you won't do it ever again. For me?"

Kendall couldn't refuse those big, brown eyes and pouty pink lips. He didn't want to hurt Logan. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did. He liked the Logan too much, and he didn't want his issue to come between them. "Ughh I promise Logan."

"Thank you." Logan leaned in for a brief kiss, Kendall grinning when he felt Logan's smile the moment their lips touched. It was soft and sweet, and Kendall couldn't get enough. He held one hand at the back of Logan's neck, bringing him impossibly closer while his other hand tugged on Logan's dark locks. Logan leaned back onto the mattress pulling Kendall along with him, letting the blonde on top because of his new formed cuts.

Kendall released hold on Logan's lips, kissing along his jaw and down his neck, sucking on the boy's pulse point. Kendall dragged his tongue over the now visible mark on Logan's skin before kissing it gently. "_Kendall…_" Logan moaned, raking his fingers through Kendall's hair as the blonde unbuttoned Logan's shirt, trailing his lips down the newly exposed skin. "I love your lips."

Kendall listened as Logan's breathing turned ragged the lower he inched down his body, teasing the smaller boy and moving back up without hesitating. "You're such a tease." Logan chuckled, lifting Kendall's chin for another kiss.

"I do what I want." Kendall breathed against Logan's lips. Kendall traced his fingertips down the contours of Logan's abs, making Logan turn breathless. He could feel Logan's erection pressing against his thigh, elated to know he was just as turned on. Kendall fumbled with the buttons on Logan's pants, sliding his hand down and gripping Logan's twitching cock.

"Mmm fuck Kendall." Logan mumbled, tugging on Kendall's hair and mashing their lips together while thrusting his neglected dick into Kendall's hand. "So good."

Kendall thrived on the sounds escaping Logan's lips. He stroked him delicately, rubbing the loose skin raw. Kendall flitted his thumb over Logan's tip, spreading the precum while it dripped down onto his hand, adding friction to Kendall's strokes.

Logan removed his mouth from Kendall's, moving his lips down Kendall's jaw and stopping at his ear. He lightly tugged on Kendall's earlobe with his teeth, causing the blonde to giggle at the tickling feeling. "I want you." Logan whispered hoarsely.

"I can tell." Kendall joked, finishing Logan off as he tumbled over the edge, groaning out Kendall's name as he came and spilling himself over Kendall's hand. Kendall stroked Logan slower, intensifying his orgasm before pulling his hand away.

"Now let me return the favor." Logan pleaded, grabbing onto Kendall's shoulders and rolling them over, pinning the larger boy to the bed.

"No Logan, you don't have to. I wanted to do that." Kendall blushed sheepishly. He loved watching Logan fall apart for him.

"I know, and I want to too. I wanted to this morning, but you pushed me away…why did you do that?" Logan scrunched up his eyebrows and Kendall noticed the hurt in his eyes.

"I didn't…I just…I knew you would notice the scars. I took a risk with James, but I couldn't with you. I didn't want you to think I was a freak, or worse, overreact."

"Kendall, I already know about the scars. I just want to make you feel better." Logan pouted.

"Then just kiss me Logan. That's all I want to do. Your lips are like heaven." Kendall latched his fingers into Logan's hair and pulling him into a heart melting kiss. His heart beat fast as their breathing quickened. Gasping for air Kendall spoke, "Kissing you is nice."

"One day will you let me?" Logan asked.

"Of course dear." Kendall let go of Logan's hair, his fingers sticking together slightly from Logan's earlier burst. "I think we should wash up."

"Shower? Together?" Logan stuck out his lower lip, making his brown eyes go wide.

"Now how could I resist that face?" Kendall leaned up and kissed Logan one more time before following him back into the bathroom with a smirk on his face.


End file.
